Working Jokes / Recent Jokes
A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audiencewould bedifferent each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the sametricks over and overagain. There was only one problem: The captains parrot saw the showseach week andbegan to understand how the magician did every trick. Once heunderstood he startedshouting in the middle of the show: "Look, its not the same hat""Look, he is hiding theflowers under the table" "Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades?" The magicianwas furious but couldnt do anything; it was, after all, the captainsparrot. One day the ship had an accident and sank. The magician found himselfon a piece of woodin the middle of the ocean with the parrot, of course. They stared ateach other with hate, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day and another andanother. After a week the parrot said: "OK, I give up. Wheres the boat?"
A son asks his father, "What can you tell me about politics? I have to learn about it for school tomorrow." The father thought some and said, "OK, son, the best way I can describe politics is to use an analogy. Let's say that I'm a capitalist because I'm the breadwinner. Your mother will be the government because she controls everything, our maid will be the working class because she works for us, you will be the people because you answer to us, and your baby brother will be the future. Does that help any?" The little boy said, "Well, Dad, I don't know, but I'll think about what you said." Later that night, after everyone had gone to bed, the little boy was awaken by his baby brother's crying. Upon further investigation, he found a dirty diaper. So, he went down the hall to his parent's bedroom and found his father's side of the bed empty and his mother wouldn't wake up. Then he saw a light on in the guest room down the hall, and when he reached the door, more...
Case Report:
Unique Case of Aerial Sleigh-Borne Present-Deliverer's Syndrome
Source: North Pole Journal of Medicine, vol 1 no. 1, December 1997
Author: Dr. Iman Elf, M. D.
On January 2, 1997, Mr. C, an obese, white caucasian male, who appeared approximately 65 years old, but who could not accurately state his age, presented to my family practice office with complaints of generalized aches and pains, sore red eyes, depression, and general malaise. The patient's face was erythematic, and he was in mild respiratory distress, although his demeanor was jolly. He attributed these symptoms to being "not as young as I used to be, HO! HO! HO!", but thought he should have them checked out. The patient's occupation is delivering presents once a year, on December 25th, to many people worldwide. He flies in a sleigh pulled by eight reindeer, and gains access to homes via chimneys. He has performed this work for as long as he can remember. Upon examination and more...
A big corporation recently hired several cannibals.
"You are all part of our team now," said Human Resources rep during the welcoming briefing.
"You get all the usual benefits and you can go to the cafeteria for something to eat, but please do not eat any of the other employees."
The cannibals promised they would not.
Four weeks later their boss remarked, "You're all working very hard, and I'm very satisfied with you, however, one of our secretaries has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to her?"
The cannibals all shook their heads 'No.'
After the boss left, the leader of the cannibals said to the others: "Which one of you idiots ate the secretary?"
A hand rose hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibal shouted, "You fool! For four weeks we've been eating team leaders, managers, and project managers and no-one has noticed anything, and now YOU ate one secretary and it got noticed. So hereafter more...
Their are two blondes working at a company together. The rest
are redheads and brunettes. One day a blonde came in and
started yelling "I'm a light, I'm a light!" The boss went over
to her and and told her that if she yelled that again she would
get fired. So the next day the blonde came in yelling "I'm a
light, I'm a light!" The boss went over too her and told her
that she was fired. So she started to pack her bags and her
other blonde friend was packing her bags too. The boss went
over to her and said "Why are you packing your bags I fired
your friend not you?" "I know", said the blonde "but how am I
supposed to work without a light?"
It was a really hot day at the office. The air conditioner wasn't working. There were about 20 people in close quarters and everyone was sweating, even with a couple of portable fans on. All of a sudden, people started to wrinkle their noses at an odor passing through the air. It was strong and was becoming distracting.
One woman said, "Uh oh, someone's deodorant isn't working."
A man in the corner replied, "It can't be me. I'm not wearing any."
The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.One day in line for the automatic teller I overheard:[Person 1]: Gee, I don't get it..[Person 2]: What's wrong? [Person 1]: My card wont work.[Person 2]: Did anything happen to it? [Person 1]: I don't think so... It wasn't working very well for a while, so I rubbed the strip on the back with a magnet to recharge it... Now it isn't working at all!