World Jokes / Recent Jokes
HONORABLE MENTIONS:
My young son asked me what happens after we die. I told him we get buried under a bunch of dirt and worms eat our bodies. I guess I should have told him the truth--that most of us go to Hell and burn eternally--but I didn't want to upset him.
It sure would be nice if we got a day off for the president's birthday, like they do for the queen. Of course, then we would have a lot of people voting for a candidate born on July 3 or December 26, just for the long weekends.
Democracy is a beautiful thing, except for that part about letting just any old yokel vote.
Home is where the house is.
Often, when I am reading a good book, I stop and thank my teacher. That is, I used to, until she got an unlisted number.
As you make your way through this hectic world of ours, set aside a few minutes each day. At the end of the year, you'll have a couple of days saved up.
It would be terrible if the Red Cross more...
Once george bush, osama bin laden, musharraf, manmohan singh & a schoolboy were travelling in a plane. Suddenly, the pilot
Came and said - "this plane is about to crash. Put on your parachutes and jump!" there were only 4 parachutes. Bush said - "i
Am the president of the most powerful country in the world. I should stay alive" - and he jumped off the plane. Bin laden
Said - "i am the most dangerous terrorist in the world. I should stay alive" - and he jumped off. Musharraf said - "i am the
Greatest supporter of osama as well as bush. I should stay alive" - and he jumped off. Manmohan said to the boy - "son, there
Is only one parachute left. You are the future of our country. You jump and let me die." the boy said - "don't worry sir,
There are 2 parachutes left." "how can you say that?" "musharraf uncle took my schoolbag!"
A Sardar, a German and a Pakistani got
arrested consuming alcohol which
is a severe offense in Saudi Arabia, so
for the terrible crime they are
all sentenced 20 lashes each of the
whip.
As they were preparing for their
punishment, the Sheik announced:
"It's my first wife's birthday today,
and she has asked me to allow
each of you one wish before your
whipping."
The German was first in line, he thought
for a while and then said: "Please tie a pillow to my back."
This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes & the German had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain.
The Pakistani was next up. After watching the German in horror he said smugly: "Please fix two pillows to my back."
But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes & the Pakistani was also led away whimpering loudly.
The Sardar was the last one up, but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned more...
It is the world cup qualifiers in 2006 Brazil vs Scotland Carlos says "We can't be bothered to play Scotland they are to easy".
"I'll take them on single handedly" Ronaldo said. "You go to the pub."
So later on they check the score Ronaldo 1 10: 00 mins
Scotland 0
Then they turn it of later on they say "the game should be finished check the score". Ronaldo 1 10: 00 mins
Scotland 1 89: 00 mins
Then Ronaldo comes down and says "I let you down" NO you didn't you got a draw Carlos said "No I did I got sent of in the 12th minute.
Gallic Wars: Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian.
Hundred Years' War: Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman."
Italian Wars: Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians.
Wars of religion: France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots
Thirty Years War: France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.
War of Devolution: Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.
The Dutch War: Tied
War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War: Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label more...