Worried Jokes / Recent Jokes

Aunt Bessie loved to visit her nieces and nephews. However, she had relatives all over the country. The problem was that no matter how much she enjoyed seeing them, she hated flying. No matter how safe people told her it was, she was always worried that someone would have a bomb on the plane.
She read books about how safe it was and listened to the stewardess demonstrate all the safety features. But she still worried herself silly every time a visit was coming up.
Finally, the family decided that maybe if she saw the statistics she'd be convinced. So they sent her to a friend of the family who was an actuary.
"Tell me," she said suspiciously, "what are the chances that someone will have a bomb on a plane?"
The actuary looked through his tables and said, "A very small chance. Maybe one in five hundred thousand."
She nodded, then thought for a moment. "So what are the odds of two people having a bomb on the same more...

Aunt Bessie loved to visit her nieces and nephews. However, she had relatives all over the country.
The problem was that no matter how much she enjoyed seeing them, she hated flying. No matter how safe people told her it was, she was always worried that someone would have a bomb on the plane.
She read books about how safe it was and listened to the stewardess demonstrate all the safety features. But she still worried herself silly every time a visit was coming up.
Finally, the family decided that maybe if she saw the statistics she'd be convinced. So they sent her to a friend of the family who was an actuary.
"Tell me," she said suspiciously, "what are the chances that someone will have a bomb on a plane?"
The actuary looked through his tables and said, "A very small chance. Maybe one in five hundred thousand."
She nodded, then thought for a moment. "So what are the odds of two people having a bomb on the same more...

Aunt Bessie loved to visit her nieces and nephews. However, she had relatives all over the country.The problem was that no matter how much she enjoyed seeing them, she hated flying. No matter how safe people told her it was, she was always worried that someone would have a bomb on the plane. She read books about how safe it was and listened to the stewardess demonstrate all the safety features. But she still worried herself silly every time a visit was coming up. Finally, the family decided that maybe if she saw the statistics she'd be convinced. So they sent her to a friend of the family who was an actuary. "Tell me," she said suspiciously, "what are the chances that someone will have a bomb on a plane?" The actuary looked through his tables and said, "A very small chance. Maybe one in five hundred thousand." She nodded, then thought for a moment. "So what are the odds of two people having a bomb on the same plane?" Again he went through his more...

A grey-bearded Sardarji boarded the Air India flight to London carrying a basket in his arms which he held close to his chest. He pressed the call-button to summon the stewardess. "Bibi," he addressed the girl kindly, "are you sure our pilot knows how to fly the plane properly? Do find out if he has a driving licence and has taken enough petrol for the journey." The girl assured him that the Captain was an experienced pilot and had taken enough fuel to get the plane to London.
A few minutes later he pressed the call bell again and asked the girl: "Find out if the engine was properly overhauled before we left and there is enough air in the tyres. Did he check them for punctures?" the girl reassured him again and asked: "Babaji why are you worried about your life? We will get you safely to
London."
"I'm not worried about myself," the old man replied, "I am worried about what I am carrying in this basket. You see I more...

RSVP.
Avrahom and Betty were very worried. They had just received an invitation to a very high-class wedding but couldn`t figure out the meaning of the abbreviation RSVP.
"If only our son, the graduate, was here, he`d know," sighed Betty, as she kissed Avrahom good-bye as he left for work.
She pondered the problem all day and finally in a moment of triumph called Avrahom at the shop.
"Darling, I`ve figured it out," she said, "RSVP means Remember Send Vedding Present."

A man had a problem, there was a red ring around his dick. He was really worried so he went to the doctor.
The doctor took a good look at it and then after awhile of uming and ering, he said "Well apply this on it and then come and see me in a few days."
The man was a bit relieved but was still worried about what would happen to his pride and joy. So that night before bed he applied the cream.
Sure enough by the morning the ring had disappeared. He was so happy he went straight to the doctors to tell him the good news.
He showed the doctor the ring was gone and the doctor was pleased.
The man asked him what the cream was.
The doctor replied, "Just lipstick remover."

Nixon:Watergate
Clinton:Waterbed
Nixon:His biggest fear - the Cold War
Clinton:His biggest fear - a Cold Sore
Nixon:Worried about carpet bombs
Clinton:Worried about carpet burns
Nixon:His Vice President was a Greek
Clinton:His Vice President is a geek
Nixon:Couldn't stop Kissinger
Clinton:Couldn't stop kissing her
Nixon:Couldn't explain the 18 minute gap in the Watergate tape
Clinton:Couldn't explain the 36-DD bra in his brief case
Nixon:His nickname was Tricky Dick
Clinton:same
Nixon:Ex-President
Clinton:Sex-President
Nixon:Known for campaign slogan "Nixon's The One"
Clinton:Known for women pointing at him saying, "He's the one!"
Nixon:Famous for his widow's peak
Clinton:Famous for bringing widows to their peak
Nixon:Well acquainted with G. Gordon Liddy
Clinton:Well acquainted with the G Spot
Nixon:Took on Ho Chi Minh
Clinton:Took on Ho
Nixon:Talked about achieving more...