Write Jokes / Recent Jokes

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.
26. Write your roommate's name in big print on hundreds of pages of paper. Leave pages all over the room. If he asks about it, say you didn't write it.

A couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember. Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. "Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?" he asks.
"Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"
"Sure."
"Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" she asks.
"No, I can remember it."
"Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so's not to forget it?"
He says, "I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."
"I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?" she asks.
Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got more...

Some Warning Signs of Insanity
- You write to your mother in Germany every week, even though she sends you mail from Iowa asking why you never write.
- You're always having to apologize to your next door neighbor for setting fire to his lawn decorations.
- Nobody listens to you anymore, because they can't understand you through that scuba mask.
- You begin to stop and consider all of the blades of grass you've stepped on as a child, and worry that their ancestors are going to one day seek revenge.
- You have meaningful conversations with your toaster.
- You collect dead windowsill flies.
- Every time the phone rings, you shout, "Hey! An angel just got its wings!"
- You like cats. Especially with mayo.
- You cry at the end of every episode of Gilligan's Island, because they weren't rescued.
- You put tennis balls in the microwave to see if they'll hatch.
- Whenever you listen to the radio, the music sounds backwards.
- You have more...

There is a grade one class in a countryside school in Sri Lanka.
Marisipala is a student of this class and he had a problem with "ha"yanna. When he trying to write "hayanna", automatically he writes "hu"yanna.
One an inspector came to school and he came to grade 1 to inspect children's knowledge.
Inspector said write "parangi hatana" to Marisipala and as mentioned bebore he wrote "parangi hutana".
Then, teacher said "huta makanna!, Marisipala!, Huta Makanna!.
After that, inspector said that he is too small, If you like, I will do it for you.
(note: if you can't understand this "vachana kanapita haravanna".)

There was this man who was about to go on a trip to England. The day before he left he asked his next-door neighbor, Mrs. Dunn, if she wanted anything from England.
'Yes', she said. 'Could you please find my son Neely. He's been gone 10 years and has not written or phoned me. Ever! I write to him but he never replies. I try to phone him but he never seems to be in. Anyway, here's his address.' And on a back of a handy envelope she scribbled:
Neely Dunn
WC1
London, England.
The next day, the man embarked on his journey. The plane landed at Heathrow. He got off the plane and was walking down the corridor when he saw a sign saying 'WC'.
He entered the room, and saw that it was a washroom. He proceeded to the first toilet stall, knocked on the door and said: - 'Are you Neely Dunn?'
'Yes, but I ran out of paper', came the reply.
'Well, that's no excuse not to write your mother!!'

A reporter goes way up into the hills of West Virginia to write an article about the area. He meets an old man in a small town and asks him about any memorable events in his life.

The old man says, "Well, one time my favorite sheep got lost, so me and my neighbors got some moonshine and went looking for it. We looked and looked and finally found the sheep. Then we drank the moonshine and one by one, started shagging the sheep. It was a lot of fun!"

The reporter figured he can't write an article about that, so he asked the old man to tell him another story.

The old man said, "Well, one time my neighbor's wife got lost, so me and all the village men got some moonshine and went out looking for her. We looked and looked and finally we found her. Then we drank the moonshine and one by one, started shagging the neighbor's wife. Now, THAT was a lot of fun!"

The reporter, feeling frustrated, finally told the old man that he more...

1. Your stationery is more cluttered than Warren Beatty's address book. The letterhead lists a fax number, e-mail addresses for two on-line services, and your Internet address, which spreads across the breadth of the letterhead and continues to the back. In essence, you have conceded that the first page of any letter you write is letterhead.2. You have never sat through an entire movie without having at least one device on your body beep or buzz.3. You need to fill out a form that must be typewritten, but you can't because there isn't one typewriter in your house, only computers with laser printers.4. You think of the gadgets in your office as "friends," but you forget to send your father a birthday card.5. You disdain people who use low baud rates.6. When you go into a computer store, you eavesdrop on a salesperson talking with customers, and you butt in to correct him and spend the next twenty minutes answering the customers' questions, while the salesperson stands by more...