Writing Jokes / Recent Jokes

It has come to our attention recently that many of you have been turning in time sheets that specify large amounts of Miscellaneous Unproductive Time (code 5309). To our department, unproductive time is not a problem. What is a problem, however, is not knowing exactly what you are doing with your unproductive time.

The newly installed Activity Based Costing Financial System requires additional information to achieve its goals. Attached below is a sheet specifying a tentative extended job code list based on our observations of employee activities. The list will allow you to specify with better precision what you are doing during your unproductive time.

Please begin using this job code list immediately and let us know about any difficulties you may encounter.

Extended Task Code List Code # Explanation:

5000 Surfing the Net
5001 Reading/Writing Social Email
5002 Sharing Social E-Mail (see codes #5003, #5004)
5003 Collecting Jokes more...

The following are actual statements found on Insurance Forms where car drivers attempted to summuarise the details of an accident in the fewest possible words. The instance of faulty writing serve to confirm that even incompetent writing can be highly entertaining.
Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have.
The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention.
I thought my window was down, but I found it was up when I put my head through it.
I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.
A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face.
The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.
I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.
In an attempt to kill a fly I drove into a telephone pole.
I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge more...

The following are actual statements found on insurance forms where car
drivers attempted to summarize the details of an accident in the fewest
words. These instances of faulty writing serve to confirm that even
incompetent writing may be highly entertaining.
Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have.
The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intentions.
I thought my windows was done but I found out it was up when I put my head
through it.
I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.
A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face.
A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.
The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I
hit him.
I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and
headed over the embankment.
In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.
I had been shopping for plants more...

The following are actual statements found on insurance forms where car
drivers attempted to summarize the details of an accident in the
fewest words. These instances of faulty writing serve to confirm that
even incompetent writing may be highly entertaining.
Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree
I don't have.
The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its
intentions.
I thought my windows was down but I found out it was up when I put
my head through it.
I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.
A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face.
A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.
The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times
before I hit him.
I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law
and headed over the embankment.
In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.
I had been shopping for more...

My friend was filling up his car the other day, but the automatic shutoff was not working properly and he got splashed with some gas. He wiped up with a paper towel, paid, and left. A short while down the road, the idiot decides to light a cigarette, and as he does, he lights his shirt sleeve on fire. He stuck his arm out the window to try and blow the flame out while he pulled over to the side of the road. Just as all this was happening a cop passed him, negotiated a U-turn, pulled up behind him, jumped out with a fire extinguisher and doused the flames before they could cause any serious burns.
He then asked my brother if he was ok. My brother replied in the affirmative, and thanks very much. The cop whips out his ticket book, and starts writing. My brother asked what he was getting a ticket for. The cop replied that he was writing him up for illegal possession of a fire arm.

First click the Community button.
Then click the Public Fourum button.
The first forum is for writing jokes.
Discuss how to write funny jokes here.

Sardarji happened to participate in a competition, which was about writing the shortest story. The organizers had put a condition that a story must have four ingredients
Viz. Religion, ***, suspense and mystery.
Sardarji's turn came after many attempts by others. Sardarji gave a story, which was just one sentence and read:
"oh god, my wife is going to deliver a child".
Ostensibly amused, the organizers asked the sardarji whether it contained all the four ingredients! !
Sardarji replied affirmatively and gave his explanation as below:
Oh god: religion
My wife: ***
Going to deliver a child: suspense (whether a girl or a boy)
"okay.... But where is the mystery? " asked one of the organizers.
The sardar replied: who is the father? ?
Sardarji was declared the winner for writing the shortest story!