Writing Jokes / Recent Jokes

Working people frequently ask retired people what we do to make our days interesting.
Well, for example, the other day I went downtown to go to the News Stand for the Wall Street Journal so I could track my investments.
I was only in there for about 5 minutes. When I came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.
I said to him, Come on, man, don't you have anything better to do than write a retired person a ticket?
Why aren't you out chasing crooks or child molesters... that's out of your league, obviously!!!
He ignored me and continued writing the ticket.
I called him a' Nazi.' He glared at me and wrote another ticket for having worn tires.
So I called him' Barney Fife'. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first.
Then he wrote a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes.
The more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote.
Personally, I didn't care....

I came downtown on the more...

Morron Is Writing Letter To His Friend Ram. Then Dumbo Comes In...
Dumbo: Morron, Why Are You Writing So Slowly?
Morron: Coz Ram Doesn't Know How To Read Fast!

Q: Why was Santa writing the exam near the door?
A: Because it was an entrance exam.

6) Mother: "What are you writing Ram?"
Ram: "I'm writing a Letter to Baby Sham"
Mother: "But you don't know to write!"
Ram: "So What?, Anyway Sham don't know to read, That's why".
7) Father: "Idiot. How dare you scold your Mother?"
Son: "Don't feel Jealous, since you can't do that".
8) Watchman: "Police will catch if you Urinate here"
Small Boy: "But What are they going to do with my Urine".
9) Two students of second standard didn't know if trousers were singular
or plural. After thinking for very long time they decided, "Singular above and plural below".
10) Old woman: "Doctor I have severe pain in my right leg".
Doctor: "That is due to old age".
Old woman: "But both of my legs are of the same age".
Doctor: ? !

At the time of writing, Microsoft's slogan for Windows 95 was "Where do you want to go today?" These are some alternative and probably more truthful ad slogans for use with Windows. 1. Microsoft gives you Windows - OS/2 give you the whole house. 2. A computer without Windows is like a fish without a bicycle. 3. Windows and DOS: A turtle and its shell. 4. Bang on the left side of your computer to restart Windows. 5. Windows: The colorful clown suit for DOS. 6. Error #152 - Windows not found: (C)heer (P)arty (D)ance. 7. Windows 3. 1: The best $89 solitaire game you can buy. 8. Windows NT: Insert wallet into Drive A: and press any key to empty. 9. I'll never forget the first time I ran Windows, but I'm trying. 10. I still miss Windows, but my aim is getting better 11. My lastest screen-saver: Curtains for Windows. 12. Double your drive space: Delete Windows! 13. OS/2. Opens up Windows, shuts up Gates. 14. Out of disk space. Delete Windows? [Y]es [A]solutely [O]f Course! 15. How more...

I`m writing a book. I`ve got the page numbers done, so now I just have to fill in the rest.

A philosophy professor walks in to give his class their final. Placing his chair on his desk the professor instructs the class, "Using every applicable thing you've learned in this course, prove to me that this chair DOES NOT EXIST."
So, pencils are writing and erasers are erasing, students are preparing to embark on novels proving that this chair doesn't exist, except for one student. He spends thirty seconds writing his answer, then turns his final in to the astonishment of his peers.
Time goes by, and the day comes when all the students get their final grades... and to the amazment of the class, the student who wrote for thirty seconds gets the highest grade in the class.
His answer to the question: "What chair?"