Writing Jokes / Recent Jokes

James Cameron is writing a book which will be a prequel to Avatar. 95% of the people who went to see Avatar are asking, "What's a book?"

It was the final examination for an introductory Biology course at a local university. Like many such freshman courses, it was designed to weed out new students, having over 600 students in the class.
It was a two hour examination, and exam booklets were provided. The professor was very strict and informed the class that any exam that was not on his desk in exactly two hours would not be accepted and the student would receive a failing grade. Half an hour into the exam, a student came rushing in and asked the professor for an exam booklet.
"You won't have time to finish this," the professor sarcastically, as he handed the student a booklet.
"Oh yes I will," the student replied. He then took a seat and began writing. Two hours later, the professor called for the exams, and the students filed up and handed them in. All except the late student, who continued writing. An hour later, the last student came up to the professor who was sitting at his desk more...

It was the final examination for an introductory English course at the local university. Like many such freshman courses, it was designed to weed out new students, having over 700 students in the class! The examination was two hours long, and exam booklets were provided.

The professor was very strict and told the class that any exam that was not on his desk in exactly two hours would not be accepted and the student would fail. 1/2 hour into the exam, a student came rushing in and asked the professor for an exam booklet. "You're not going to have time to finish this," the professor stated sarcastically as he handed the student a booklet. "Yes I will," replied the student.

He then took a seat and began writing. After two hours, the professor called for the exams, and the students filed up and handed them in. All except the late student, who continued writing. 1/2 hour later, the last student came up to the professor who was sitting at his desk more...

I have trouble writing jokes sometimes. For example, last night, I was writing, and I wrote, "My relationships are magic, because the women I date tend to disappear."
But then I realized how hacky and corny that joke is, right? So I thought, and I came up with a punchline that is far more accurate and, I believe, funnier. Here it is:
My relationships are magic, because the women I date tend to get sawed in half."

It was the final examination for an introductory Biology course at the local university. Like many such freshman courses, it was designed to weed out new students, having over 500 students in the class!
The examination was two hours long, and exam booklets were provided. The professor was very strict and told the class that any exam that was not on his desk in exactly two hours would not be accepted and the student would fail. Half of an hour into the exam, a student came rushing in and asked the professor for an exam booklet.
"You're not going to have time to finish this," the professor stated sarcastically as he handed the student a booklet.
"Yes I will," replied the student. He then took a seat and began writing. After two hours, the professor called for the exams, and the students filed up and handed them in. All except the late student, who continued writing. An hour later, the last student came up to the professor who was sitting at his desk more...

When writing, always make sure your verb and subject agrees.

Q: When did Bourbaki stop writing books?
A: When they realized that Serge Lang was a single person...