Yell Jokes / Recent Jokes
A Brunette, a Redhead, and a Blonde escape a burning building by climbing to the roof. The Firemen are on the street below, holding a blanket for them to jump into.
The firemen yell to the Brunette, "Jump! Jump! It's your only chance to survive!" The Brunette jumps and SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket away...the Brunette slams into the sidewalk like a tomato.
"C'mon! Jump! You gotta jump!' say the firemen to the Redhead.
"Oh no! You're gonna pull the blanket away!" says the Redhead.
"No! It's Brunettes we can't stand! We're OK with Redheads!"
"OK" says the Redhead, and she jumps. SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket away, and the lady is flattened on the pavement like a pancake.
Finally, the Blonde steps to the edge of the roof. Again, the firemen yell "Jump! You have to jump!"
"No way! You're just gonna pull the blanket away!" yelled the more...
Jokes to play on fellow Astronaughts when aboard the new Space station....
Break the radio and say that while everyone was sleeping there was nuclear battle and everyone is now dead.
look out the window any scream "We're being boarded!!"
Uncouple the Japanese section, and as they float away helplessly yell "That's for Pearl Harbour!!..."
Use the Canada arm to start punching the Russian space shuttle and then exclaim that "they were asking for it with all their freakin' late-night cooking smells"
Flush a crew member out the air lock and tell everyone he was an alien planning1 to kill everyone and that you saved them from being cocooned!
Lock someone outside and tell him you won't let them in until he guesses the right number between 1-million. Then tell him you were only kidding and testing his resilience under pressure, and let him in just before his air runs out.
Dump a bottle more...
You should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only. 1. Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say "oh geez, better get cracking" and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early. 2. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!" 3. If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use the integral symbol. 4. Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructor's left nostril. 5. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm so sure you can hear me thinking. " Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is. 6. Bring cheerleaders. 7. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes into it, loudly say to the more...
You should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only. 1. Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say "oh geez, better get cracking" and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early. 2. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!" 3. If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use the integral symbol. 4. Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructor's left nostril. 5. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm so sure you can hear me thinking. " Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is. 6. Bring cheerleaders. 7. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes into it, loudly say to the more...
Internet Cafe Jokes
Hold mouse up to ear like a cell phone and yell "I can't hear you!!! You're going to have to speak louder!"
Play Pac Man and state to person next to you, "These new games are incredible!"
Practice' spinning mouse mat on index finger' globe trotter routine.
Put your monitor's contrast and brightness on full. With wide open eyes yell "It's going to implode!"
Tell the cashier you wish to redeem your free 1000 hours and hand him a bag full of collected AOL promo CD's.
Typing hard and loudly looking behind you yell, "STOP MAKING ME TYPE THIS - IT WILL ONLY MAKE THINGS WORSE!"
Sit at the web terminal... without a chair.
20 Ways To Confuse Trick-Or-Treaters I
1. Give away something other than candy. (Toothpicks, golf balls, bags of sand, etc.)
2. Wait behind the door until some people come.
When they get near the door, jump out, wearing a costume, and holding a bag, and yell, "Trick or Treat!" Look at them, scratch your head, and act confused.
3. Fill a briefcase with marbles and crackers.
Write on it, "Top Secret" in big letters. When trick-or-treaters come, look around suspiciously, say, "It's about time you got here," give them the briefcase, and quickly shut the door.
4. Get about 30 people to wait in your living room.
When trick-or-treaters come to the door, say, "Come in." When they do, have everyone yell, "Surprise!!!" Act like it's a surprise party.
5. Get everyone who comes to the door to come in and see if they can figure out what's wron
If you are a cartoon character, have friends or relatives who are cartoon characters, or are a cartoon character sympathizer... please delete this message now. (grin)
I will not defame New Orleans
I will not waste chalk
I will not skateboard in the halls
I will not burp in class
I will not instigate a revolution
I will not draw naked ladies in class
I did not see Elvis
I will not call my teacher 'Hot Cakes'
Garlic gum is not funny
They are laughing at me, not with me
I will not yell "fire" in a crowded classroom
I will not encourage others to fly
I will not fake my way through life
Tar is not a plaything
I will not Xerox my butt
I will not trade my pants with others
I will not do that thing with my tongue
I will not drive the principal's car
I will not pledge allegiance to Bart
I will not sell school property
I will not cut corners
I will not get very far with this attitude
I will not more...