Zero Jokes / Recent Jokes
Her learning curve is fractal. Her lint trap is full. Her lists are unlinked. Her memory is truly random-access. Her mental function can be graphed with a single dot. Her mere presence causes parity errors, power fails, and head crashes. Her mind is not grounded to a logic supply. Her mind might have spontaneously combusted. Her mind would be unstable even mounted on a tripod. Her modem lights are on but there's no carrier. Her objects are not fully oriented. Her phone doesn't quite reach her desk. Her random access is the same as her sequential access. Her sewing machine's been out of thread for some time now. Her ski lift doesn't go to the top of the hill. Her stack has been corrupted. Her synapses are about that far apart. Her system file has zero bytes. Her tires are a little low. Her wipers don't touch the glass. Her word length is zero bits. Hid behind the door when they passed out brains. High relative humidity... He's lost in a fog. His. sig is long, boring, and stupid, but more...
During the initial space flights, Nasa discovered that biro pens didn`t work under zero gravity conditions. To beat the problem, Nasa spent 6 years and $2 million in designing a pen for use in space. The pen would work under zero gravity conditions due to the pressurized ink inside, it would work under sub zero conditions, underwater, on glass and virtually any surface known to man. The Russians used a pencil.
The president of this big university was walking down the campus when he noticed this young fellow
walking around and talking to himself. Being a responsible president, he stopped by to have a chat
with the young man.
"Good morning, young man. What seems to be the problem? Can I be of any assistance?" asked the
president. The young student looked at him and said, "Well I do not know. Maybe you can tell me why I
am doing so poorly in this school."
Being a responsible president, he could not be happier to talk to the young man. "How long have you
been at this school?" asked the president. "This is my fourth semester." answered the student. "Well,
that is great. How many credits have you earned so far and what is your GPA?" asked president. "Well
that is where my problem actually is. I have earned zero credits and my GPA is also zero." replied
the student. Obviously shocked, the more...
Editor's note: I've gotten more than one 1999 Darwin Awards posting this year (that don't match), but I figure the gene pool is a big place...
---
The true high point of the year has arrived. Yes, it is the 1999 Darwin Awards. For those sheltered few of you who are not fully aware of the Darwin Awards; these awards are given annually (and posthumously) to those individuals who did the most for the human gene pool by removing themselves from it.
GRAVITY KILLS
A 22-year-old Reston, Va., man was found dead after he tried to use luggage straps (the stretchy little ropes with hooks on each end) to bungee jump off a 70-foot railroad trestle, police said. Fairfax County, Va., police said Eric A. Barcia, a fast-food worker, taped a bunch of these straps together, wrapped an end around one foot, anchored the other end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped... and hit the pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia more...