Zone Jokes / Recent Jokes
Jake is struggling through a bus station with two huge and obviously heavy suitcases when a stranger walks up to him and asks "Have you got the time?"
Jake sighs, puts down the suitcases and glances at his wrist. "It's a quarter to six," he says.
"Hey, that's a pretty fancy watch!" exclaims the stranger. Jake brightens a little.
"Yeah, it's not bad. Check this out" - and he shows him a time zone display not just for every time zone in the world, but for the 86 largest metropolises.
He hits a few buttons and from somewhere on the watch a voice says "The time is eleven' til six" in a very West Texas accent. A few more buttons and the same voice says something in Japanese. Jake continues "I've put in regional accents for each city". The display is unbelievably high quality and the voice is simply astounding.
The stranger is struck dumb with admiration. "That's not all", says Jake. He pushes a more...
A young dating couple were driving down the road in a very busy area, when things started to get some what passionate. So they decided to pull over and park and have some fun. Things were really getting hot, and they were not paying any attention to what was going on outside. All of a sudden a policeman was tapping on their window.
The cop could hardly contain himself. "Didn't you know that you are not supposed to be having sex in public?" he asked the couple.
Being embarrassed at being caught, they said yes and apologized.
"Well, he said, I will have to write you a ticket." So the cop wrote the ticket and reminded them next time to watch their behavior.
After getting dressed the girlfriend asked her boyfriend what the policeman wrote the ticket for.
He responded, "Doing 69 in a 35 mph speed zone!"
Wondering If Windows 95 Will Live Long and Phosphor
"Sulu, set path to the floppy drive. Scotty, fit the hard drive with the Microsoft Windows 95 engine. Chekov, prepare the install disks, we're about to begin a sequel."
"Capitan, Windows 95 doesn't do SQL."
"Right. Then let's see how she performs at task speed. Scotty?"
"Captain, are you surre you want to replace the system? If ye put Windows code into a true 32-bit multitasking environment, we'll risk a matter-antimatter explosion!"
"Scotty, that's an order. "
"Aye, Captain, but she's just not rready. She needs a proper beta shakedown."
"That's what we're doing, Scotty. Chekov, how are those install disks coming?"
"We're on disk 5, sir."
"Good. Spock?"
"Fascinating, Captain. It appears as if Windows 95 is scanning our hardware and mutating to adapt."
"Then, Spock, can you more...
Have you ever had the experience of parking in a one-hour zone, inserting the coins, than finding yourself, forty-five minutes later, still in line at the bank?
At such times, you might suddenly find religion, and fervently pray that you will make your meter.
Al Davis had finally put together the perfect Oakland Raiders team for' 98. The only thing he was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges, and even the high schools, and he couldn't find a quarterback that would ensure a SuperBowl win. Then one night, watching CNN, he saw a war zone in Bosnia. In the background, out of the corner of his eye, he spotted a young Bosnian soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand grenade straight into a 15th story window 200 yards away! He threw another grenade into a group of about 10 soldiers a good 110 yards away! A car passes going 80 miles (120 km) an hour, and he send another grenade right into the barely open window. "I've got to get this guy," Al says to himself, "He has the perfect arm!" So he brings him to the States and teaches him the game of football. Predictably, the young man breaks all the NFL records for completed passes, and the Raiders go on to win the SuperBowl. The young Bosnian more...
Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A: You can park in the handicap zone.