"30 Things You Won't Hear Down South" joke

30. Oh I just couldn't; Hell, she's only sixteen.

29. I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.

28. Duct tape won't fix that.

27. Honey, I think we should sell the pickup and buy a family sedan.

26. I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.

25. We don't keep firearms in this house.

24. Who gives a crap who won the Civil War?

23. You can't feed that to the dog.

22. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.

21. Spittin is such a nasty habit.

20. I just couldn't find a thing at Walmart today.

19. Trim the fat off that steak.

18. Cappuccino tastes better than expresso.

17. Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?

16. I thought Graceland was tacky.

15. No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.

14. Honey, we don't need another dog.

13. Would you like your fish poached or broiled?

12. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?

11. Wrestling's fake.

10. Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.

9. The tires on that truck are too big.

8. Does the salad bar have bean sprouts, and would you please bring my salad dressing on the side.

7. What nice body this Merlot has.

6. Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.

5. I don't have a favorite college team.

4. She's too young to be wearing a bikini.

3. You All.

2. Checkmate.

1. Nope, no more for me. I'm driving tonight.