"50 Wierdest World Records" joke

1 FASTEST TALKER: In 1995, Canadian Sean Shannon recited Hamlet's "To be or not to be" soliloquy, 260 words, in 23. 8secs.

2 HEAVIEST VEHICLE PULLED OVER 100FT: This year, Derek Boyer of Australia pulled a 30. 68-tonne truck-trailer combination 30. 5 metres.

3 HIGHEST SHALLOW DIVE: In January, Danny Higginbottom of Louisiana dived 8. 90m into 30cm of water.

4 BREATH HELD VOLUNTARILY: The USA's Robert Foster held his breath for 13mins 42. 5secs in 1959.

5 LONGEST TIME TO ENDURE FULL BODY ICE CONTACT: Wim Hoff of the Netherlands stood in an ice cube-filled tube for 1hr 17mins in January.

6 MOST CONSECUTIVE POGO-STICK JUMPS: In 1990, Gary Stewart did 177, 737 in California.

7 MOST GLASSES BALANCED ON THE CHIN: In 2001, Ashrita Furman managed 75 pint beer glasses for 10. 6secs in New York.

8 MOST ONE-FINGER PUSH-UPS: In 1992, Paul Lynch performed 124 in London.

9 OLDEST PERSON TO LOOP THE LOOP: In 1998, Adeline Ablitt, 95, did a glider loop over Leicestershire.

10 HIGHEST TIGHTROPE WALK: Frenchman Michael Menin walked a 3, 150 metre-high tightrope in 1989.

11 WALKING - GREATEST DOCUMENTED LIFETIME MILEAGE: Between 1969 and 2000, Arthur Blessitt of Florida, USA, walked 34, 501 miles on seven continents while carrying a 3. 7-metre cross.

12 HAIRIEST FAMILY: Mexicans Victor and Gabriel Ramos Gomez have 98% of their bodies covered in fur.

13 HIGHEST G-FORCE ENDURED VOLUNTARILY: 82. 6g for 0. 04secs by Eli L Beeding Jr of the USA in 1958. He spent three days in hospital afterwards.

14 LONGEST ATTACK OF HICCUPS: Charles Osborne of the USA - 1922 to 1990.

15 LONGEST TATTOO SESSION: In 2003, Chris Goodwill spent 33 hours tattooing Kevin Budden in Plumstead, South East London.

16 LONGEST TIME WITH A NAIL IN THE HEAD: Robin Hanshaw of Stoke Poges, Bucks, had a one-inch rusty nail stuck between his ear and eye for 22 years.

17 MOST COMPULSIVE SWALLOWER: In 1927, a Canadian woman had 2, 533 objects removed from her stomach, including 947 pins.

18 MOST LIGHTNING STRIKES SURVIVED: Roy C Sullivan from Virginia, USA, was struck for the seventh time in 1977.

19 MOST PIERCED MAN: Luis Antonio Aguero from Cuba has 230 piercings.

20 MOST CHILDREN DELIVERED: American Bobby McCaughey had seven delivered by Caesarean in 1997.

21 MOST FEET SNIFFED: In a 15-year career, Madeline Albrecht sniffed 5, 600 feet while working for footcare experts Dr Scholl in the USA.

22 MOST ELASTIC MAN: Pierre Beauchemin is nicknamed Mr Gumby for his ability to contort his arms and legs.

23 FASTEST BALLOON DOG MADE BEHIND BACK: Britain's Craig "Blink" Keith made a balloon poodle in 9. 26secs in May, all with his hands behind his back.

24 FASTEST SPEED DRAGGED BEHIND A MOTORBIKE: Gary Rothwell of Liverpool was dragged at 156mph on 2mm titanium-soled boots in 1999.

25 MOST SPOONS BALANCED ON FACE: America's Tim Johnston, 12, balanced 15 on his face for 30secs in May.

26 HEAVIEST TRAIN PULLED WITH BEARD: Ismael Rivas Falcon of Spain pulled a 6, 069lb train in 2001.

27 MOST CONSECUTIVE FOOT JUGGLING FLIPS WITH A HUMAN: In 2000, Iranian Ali Bandbaz juggled his brother Massoud for twelve 360o revolutions using his feet.

28 THE HEAVIEST TWINS: In 1978, Billy Leon McCrary weighed 51st 9lbs and his brother, Benny Lloyd, was 57st 1lbs. Both died from heart failure.

29 ORANGE NOSE PUSH: Alistair Ross pushed an orange with his nose along Brighton seafront for a mile last year.

30 MOST WATCHES EATEN: Kim Seung Do from Seoul, South Korea, ate five in 1hr 34mins in 1998.

31 LONGEST MAGGOT BATH: Christine Martin of Horsham, West Sussex, sat in a bath of them for 1hr 30mins in 2002.

32 MOTIONLESS: In 1997, Om Prakash Singh of India stood still for 20hrs, 10mins and 6secs.

33 TALLEST LIVING WOMAN: Sandy Allen of the USA, at 7ft 7ins.

34 HEAVIEST MAN: In 1978, Jon Brower Minnoch of the USA weighed more than 100st.

35 LARGEST HANDS: Hussain Bisad of Somalia's measure 26. 9cm from the wrist to the tip of his middle finger.

36 LARGEST CHEST: Robert Earl Hughes of the USA - 315cm.

37 FARTHEST EYEBALL POPPER: Kim Goodman of the USA popped hers 1mm beyond her sockets in 1998.

38 MOST BODY SKIPS: In 2003, handcuffed Ved Prakash Sharma of India skipped with his arms 27 times in a minute, stepping through his arms and bringing them over his head.

39 MOST RATTLESNAKES HELD IN MOUTH: Jackie Bibby of the USA held eight live snakes by their tails for 12. 5secs in 2001.

40 FASTEST TIME TO TYPE A MILLION: Between 1982 and 1998, Aussie Les Stewart typed the numbers one to one million in words.

41 LONGEST JOKE-TELLING MARATHON: In 1992, Mike Heeman of the USA cracked 12, 682 in 24hrs.

42 BLINDFOLDED SPEED RECORD: Briton Mike Newman hit 164. 87mph on a motorbike in Wiltshire last year.

43 LONGEST TIME ON ONE FOOT: Arulanantham Suresh Joachim of Sri Lanka balanced for 76hrs, 40mins in 1997.

44 LONGEST TIME TRAPPED IN A LIFT: Cypriot Kively Papajohn, 76, was trapped from Dec 28, 1987, to Jan 2, 1988. She lived on the food in her shopping bag.

45 LONGEST TONGUE: Britain's Stephen Taylor has a tongue measuring 9. 4cm from the tip to the centre of his closed top lip.

46 STRANGEST DIET: Frenchman Michel Lotito has been eating metal and glass since 1959.

47 SHORTEST MAN: In 1990, Gul Mohammed of India was just 57cm tall.

48 MOST TENNIS BALLS HELD IN ONE HAND: Francisco Peinado Toledo of Spain held 18 for 10 seconds last year.

49 OLDEST BAREFOOT WATER-SKIER: George Blair, 87, of the USA waterskied barefoot on Lake Florence, Florida, in 2002.

50 MOST PEOPLE CRAMMED INTO A SMART CAR: 13 girls in Munich, Germany, in 1999.