"A Brilliant Lawyer" joke

Lawyer's mother: "My son is a brilliant lawyer. He can look at a contract and instantly tell you whether it's verbal or written."

"For certain people, after fifty, litigation takes the place of sex." -Gore Vidal

"A lawyer is never entirely comfortable with a friendly divorce, any more than a good undertaker wants to finish the job and then have the patient sit up on the table." -Jean Kerr

"There was a young lawyer who showed up at a revival meeting and was asked to deliver a prayer. Unprepared, he gave a prayer from a lawyer's heart:' Stir up much strife amongst thy people, Lord, lest thy servant perish.'" -Senator Sam Ervin

"A judge is a law student who marks his own test papers." -H. L. Mencken

Despite his best efforts, the lawyer's client was convicted of murder and sentenced to die in the electric chair. On the eve of his execution, the convict called his attorney for last-minute advice. He was told, "Don't sit down."

"An incompetent lawyer can delay a lawsuit for years. A competent lawyer can delay one even longer." -Evelle J. Younger