"A Redneck Letter" joke

Dear Son,
I know you can't read fast, so I'm writing this letter slow.
We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles of your home, so we moved.
I won't be able to send you the address cause the last Arkansas family that lived here took the house numbers when they moved so they wouldn't have to change their address.
It's a really nice place and even has a washing machine. I'm not real sure it works so well though. Last week I put a load of clothes in and pulled the chain. We haven't seen them since.
The weather isn't too bad here. It only rained twice last week; the first time for four days and the second time for three days.
About that coat you wanted me to send you; your Uncle Earl said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off. You'll find them in the pockets.
Billy Bob locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried because it took him two hours to get your daddy and me out of the car.
Your sister had a baby this morning, but I haven't found out if it's a boy or a girl so I don't know if you're an aunt or an uncle. The baby looks just like your brother.
Poor Uncle Bubba fell into a whiskey vat last week. Some men tried to pull him out but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated and he burned for three days.
Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pick-up truck. Tommy Ray was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other two friends were in the back and they drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down.
There isn't much more news right now. Nothing much has happened.
Love, Mom