"A facelift experience!" joke
A lady goes to the doctor to see about getting a facelift.
"Well," says the doctor, "I can do the facelift, and then you'll have to come back in six months for a follow-up."
"Oh, no." the woman replies. "I want it all done in one shot. I don't want to have to come back."
The doctor thinks for a second, then offers, "There is a new procedure where we put a screw in the top of your head. Then anytime you see wrinkles appearing, you just give it a little turn, which pulls the skin up and they disappear."
"That's what I want!" exclaims the lady. "Let's do that." Six months later the lady charges into the doctor's office.
"Well, how's the procedure holding up?" the doctor asks. "Terrible!" the lady bellows. "It's the worst mistake I've ever made."
"What's wrong?" asks the doctor. "Just look at these bags under my eyes!" she hollers.
"Lady," the doctor reports, "those aren't bags, those are your boobs, and if you don't leave that screw alone, you're going to have a beard!"
An Attorney was riding home in his limo and noticed two men sitting on the side of the road eating grass, he told his driver to stop and investigate.
His driver went to the two men and asked, sirs why are you eating grass? The first man replied, I have no money and must more...
A dumb blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to have her hair she would look like a brunette. When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in the country.
After she had been driving for a while, she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and more...
Person 1: Knock, Knock
Person 2: Who's there?
Person 1: Cows go.
Person 2: Cows go who?
Person 1: No, silly! Cows go moo!
How many letters are in the alphabet?
There are 11 letters in "THE ALPHABET"
Did you say 26? :)