"A lawyer goes to heaven:" joke

A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. To his dismay, there were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter. But, to his surprise, St. Peter left his desk at the gate and came down the long line to where the lawyer was, and greeted him warmly. Then St. Peter and one of his assistants took the lawyer by the hands and guided him up to the front of the line, and into a comfortable chair by his desk. The lawyer said, "I don't mind all this attention, but what makes me so special?" St. Peter replied, "Well, I've added up all the hours for which you billed your clients, and by my calculation you must be about 193 years old!"

Why is santa claus always so happy?
He knows where all of the bad girls live!

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How many letters are in the alphabet?
There are 11 letters in "THE ALPHABET"
Did you say 26? :)

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A man was helping one of his cows give birth, when he noticed his 5-year-old son standing wide-eyed at the fence, taking in the whole event.
The man thought, "Oh, this is just great... he's only 5 and I'm going to have to start explaining all about the birds and the more...

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Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

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Once Chuck Norris had a boner.
Their were no survivors

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