"A letter from momma" joke

A mom writing her Aggie son:
Dear son,
I'm writing this slow 'cause I know you can't read fast. We don't live where
we did when you left. Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen
within twenty miles of the home so we moved. Our new place has a washing
machine. The first day I put four shirts in it, I pulled the chain and haven't
seen them since. It only rained twice this week. Three days the first time and
four days the second time. The coat you wanted me to send to you your aunt Sue
said it would be a little heavy to send in the mail with them big heavy buttons
so we cut them off and put them in the pockets. We got a bill from the funeral
home; said IF WE DIDN'T MAKE THE LAST PAYMENT ON GRANDMA'S FUNERAL BILL UP SHE
COMES !!! Your uncle John fell in the whiskey vat. Some men tried to pull him
out but he fought them off playfully and he drowned. We cremated him, he burned
for three days. Three of your friends went off the bridge in a pickup. One was
driving and the other two were in the back. The driver got out he rolled down
the window and swam to safety. The other two drowned they couldn't get the
tailgate down. Not much more news this time. Nothing much has happened. Write
more later.
Love, Mom
P.S., I was going to send some money but already had this sealed.