"Absent Notes" joke

Check out these actual written excuses from parents, excerpted from the Sept/Oct 1996 issue of "Campus Life":
"Please excuse Joyce from P.E. for a few days. She fell off a tree and misplaced her hip."
(I sure hope she finds it before the prom!)
"Please excuse John from being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.
(I hate those lo-o-o-ng winter months!)
"Chris will not be in school today because he has an acre in his side."
(Wow! Talk about growing pains!)
"My son is under the doctor's care and should not take fizical ed. Please execute him."
(Ouch!)
"Please excuse Johnnie for being. It was his father's fault."
(Blame it on Dad!)
"Please excuse Ray from school. He has very loose vowels."
(But I hear his consonants are doing just fine!)
"George was absent yesterday because he had a stomach."
(I suppose he had some vowels too, but I guess they're OK!)
"Please excuse Sara for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot."
(Thanks a lot, Mom!)