"Actual T-shirt Slogans" joke

a.. "That's It! I'm Calling Grandma!" (seen on an 8 year old)
b.. "Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew Up"
c.. "Procrastinate Now."
d.. "Rehab Is for Quitters."
e.. "My Dog Can Lick Anyone."
f.. "I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts - Do You Want Fries With That?"
g.. "Party - My Crib - Two A.M." (on a baby-size shirt)
h.. "Finally 21, and Legally Able to Do Everything I've Been Doing Since 15."
i.. "ALL MEN ARE IDIOTS, AND I MARRIED THEIR KING."
j.. "West Virginia: One Million People, and 15 last names."
k.. "FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION. It comes bundled with the software."
l.. "I'M OUT OF ESTROGEN AND I'VE GOT A GUN."
m.. "A hangover is the wrath of grapes."
n.. "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance."
o.. "STUPIDITY IS NOT A HANDICAP. Park elsewhere!"
p.. "DISCOURAGE INBREEDING - Ban Country Music."
q.. "They call it 'PMS' because 'Mad Cow Disease' was already taken."
r.. "He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead."
s.. "Time's fun when you're having flies... Kermit the Frog."
t.. "FOR SALE: Iraqi rifle. Never fired. Dropped once."
u.. "HECK IS WHERE PEOPLE GO WHO DON'T BELIEVE IN GOSH."
v.. "A PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS, but it uses up a thousand times the memory."
w.. "The Meek shall inherit the earth....after we're through with it."
x.. "Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana."
y.. "HAM AND EGGS - A day's work for a chicken; A lifetime commitment for a pig."
z.. "WELCOME TO KENTUCKY - Set your watch back 20 years."
aa.. "The trouble with life is there's no background music."
ab.. "IF THERE IS NO GOD, WHO POPS UP THE NEXT KLEENEX?"
ac.. "Suicidal Twin Kills Sister By Mistake!"
ad.. "The original point-and-click interface was a Smith & Wesson."
ae.. "MY WILD OATS HAVE TURNED TO SHREDDED WHEAT."
af.. "Computer programmers don't byte, they nibble a bit."
ag.. "Computer programmers know how to use their hardware."
ah.. "MOP AND GLOW - Floor wax used by Three-Mile-Island cleanup team."
ai.. "NyQuil - The stuffy, sneezy, why-the-hell-is-the-room-spinning medicine."
aj.. "Quoting one is plagiarism. Quoting many is research."
ak.. A shirt with a Harley Davidson logo on the front. The back said, "IF YOU CAN READ THIS, THE BITCH FELL OFF!"
al.. "My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God, and I didn't."