"Actual signs seen across the USA" joke

These are actual signs seen across the USA:
In a New York restaurant: Customers who find our waitresses uncivil ought to see the manager.
On a movie theater: Children's matinee today. Adults not admitted unless with child.
In a florida maternity ward: No children allowed
In the offices of a loan company: Ask about our plans for owning your home.
In a toy department: Five santa clauses, no waiting.
On a Maine shop: Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices and workmanship.
On military bases: Restricted to unauthorized personel
On a display of "You're my one and only" valentine cards: Now available in multi-packs.
In a funeral parlor: Ask about our layaway plan
In a clothing store: Bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks
In a men's clothing store: 15 mens wool suits - $10.00. They won't last an hour!
On an Indiana shopping mall marquee: Archery tournament. Ears pierced.
In downtown Boston: Callahan Tunnel/No End
In the window of a general store: Why go elsewhere and be cheated when you can come right here?
In a Maine restaurant: Open 7 days a week and weekends
In a New Jersey restaurant: Open 11AM to 11PM Midnight
In a Pennsylvania cemetery: Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves.
On the grounds of a private school: No tresspassing without permission
In a library: Blotter paper will no longer be available until the public stops taking it away
In front of a New Hampshire car wash: If you can't read this, it's time to wash your car.