Maine Jokes

The following is an old anecdote, but a good one. Sometime in the early 1900's,
P. T. Barnum, the owner of the Barnum & Bailey circus and originator of the
phrase "There's a sucker born every minute" offered $10,000 in cash to any person
who could thoroughly dupe, or sucker, him.
Barnum was always looking for interesting new acts or novel creatures to
exhibit, and one day he received a letter from a fellow in Maine who claimed
to possess a cherry-colored cat and asked if Barnum were interested in such
a thing for his circus. Barnum contacted the man and said yes, if the cat were
truly cherry-colored, he'd gladly put it on display. Well, a few days later
a crate marked "live animal" arrived for him. When Barnum opened it, he found
a somewhat frightened but otherwise perfectly ordinary-looking black housecat
inside, along with a note which read:
Maine cherries are black.
There's a sucker born every more...

What's the difference between Maine and New Hampshire?
In New Hampshire, Moosehead is a beer. In Maine, it's sexual assault.

Q: How do you know that the toothbrush was invented in Maine?
A: Because if it was invented anywhere else it would have been called a teethbrush!

These are actual signs seen across the USA:
In a New York restaurant: Customers who find our waitresses uncivil ought to see the manager.
On a movie theater: Children's matinee today. Adults not admitted unless with child.
In a florida maternity ward: No children allowed
In the offices of a loan company: Ask about our plans for owning your home.
In a toy department: Five santa clauses, no waiting.
On a Maine shop: Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices and workmanship.
On military bases: Restricted to unauthorized personel
On a display of "You're my one and only" valentine cards: Now available in multi-packs.
In a funeral parlor: Ask about our layaway plan
In a clothing store: Bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks
In a men's clothing store: 15 mens wool suits - $10.00. They won't last an hour!
On an Indiana shopping mall marquee: Archery tournament. Ears pierced.
In downtown Boston: Callahan Tunnel/No more...

Dear Diary:

Aug. 1 - Moved to our new house in Maine. It is so beautiful here. The city is so picturesque. Can hardly wait to see it covered with snow. I LOVE IT HERE.

Oct. 14 - New England is the most beautiful place on earth. The leaves are turning all different colors. I love the shades of red and orange. Went for a ride through the hills and saw some deer. They are so graceful. Certainly they are the most peaceful animals on earth. This must be paradise. I LOVE IT HERE.

Nov. 11 - Deer season will open soon. I can't imagine anyone wanting to kill such an elegant creature. The very symbol of peace and tranquility. Hope it will snow soon. I LOVE IT HERE.

Dec. 2 - It snowed last night. Woke up to find everything blanketed in white. It looked like a postcard. Went outside and cleaned snow off the steps and shoveled the driveway. We had a snowball fight today (I won). When the snowplow came by we had to shovel the driveway again. What a more...