"Assortment of jokes" joke

(1) You are next. .
When I was younger I hated going to weddings.
It seemed that all of my aunts and the grandmotherly types used to come up to me, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me,"You are next".
They stopped that shit after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals. [:))]
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(2) Divorce Joke...
"Mr. Smith, I have reviewed this case very carefully",
The divorce court judge said, "and I've decided to give your wife $275 a week."
"That's very nice, your honour", the husband said.
"And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks, myself".
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(3) Tarzan & dead Cheetah
What did Tarzan think when he saw a dead Cheetah?
Wow! New Underwear.
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(4) Women in Heven
What do u call a woman in heaven?
An Angel.
A crowd of woman in heaven?
A host of Angels.
And all woman in heaven?
PEACE ON EARTH.
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(5) SHOW TIME
What's the difference between a panty and a stage curtain??
Answer: When you pull down the stage curtain, show is
over. But when you pull down the PANTY... IT'S SHOWTIME.
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(6) SWOT (Strenth, Weekness, Opportunity, Threat)
He said, my strength is my wife.
My weakness is my neighbor's wife.
Opportunity comes when neighbor goes out.
Threat comes when I myself go out.
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(7) RIGHT THING TO DO
Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning,
he told me to give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.
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(8) A Billionaire
Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your
success as a millionaire?"
Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."
Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman.
Interviewer: "What were you before you married her?"
Millionaire: "A Billionaire"
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