"Battle of the Sexes" joke

If you take a dog in and feed it, it will remain loyal to you and never turn on you. This is the principle difference between a man and a dog" - Mark Twain

A couple was told to individually write a sentence using the words' sex' and' love.' The woman wrote' When two people love each other very much, like Bob and I, it is morally acceptapble for them to engage in sex.' And Bob wrote' I love sex.'

A man generally has two reasons for doing a thing. One that sounds good, and a real one.

A man is like a fine wine. He starts out raw as grapes and it's a woman's job to stomp on him and keep him in the dark until he matures into something she'd like to have dinner with.

A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle. - Gloria Steinem

After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, "I was a fool when I married you." she replied "yes dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."

Any married man should forget his mistakes - there's no point in two people remembering the same thing...

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same. - Oscar Wilde

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher... and that is a good thing for any man. - Socrates

By the time you swear you're his, Shivering and sighing, And he vows his passion is Infinite, undying, Lady make note of this: One of you is lying. - Dorothy Parker

Cabbage: A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head.

Don't be sexist. Broads hate that.

Don't bother getting married - just find a woman you hate and buy her a house.

First, God created man. Then he had a better idea.

Grow your own Dope. Plant a man.

I believe in dragons, good men, and other fantasy creatures.

I haven't found Mr Right, but I have found Mr Cheap, Mr Sleazy and Mr Wrong.

I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.

I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night. - Marie Corelli

It begins when you sink into his arms and ends with your arms in the sink.

Make love, not war - hell, do both, get married!

Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished...

Marriage is much like communism, it works best in theory.

Men have feelings too (but who really cares)

My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.

My wife suggested a book for me to read to enhance our relationship. It's titled:' Women are from Venus, Men are Wrong.'

My wife told me I should be more affectionate, so I got two girlfriends.

Needing a man is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again.

Never appeal to a man's' better nature.' He may not have one. Invoking his self-interest gives you more leverage. - Lazarus Long

Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy. - Henry Kissinger

Some say a computer is a woman, if you do something wrong, they'll remember every bit of it. Some say a computer is a man, if you had just waited one more week, you could have gotten a better model for less.

Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then. - Katharine Hepburn

The average woman prefers beauty over brains because the average man can see better than he can think.