"Before a man can stand he must" joke

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

A blind man was describing his favorite sport, parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him: "I am placed in the door with my seeing eye dog and told when to jump. My hand is placed on my release ring for me and out I go with more...

ARMY: Never forget your weapon is made by the lowest bidder.

A black guy and a puerto rican guy are both in a car...who's driving?
A Cop!!!