"Bitter guys' ABC of Ex-Girlfriends" joke

A is for Arteries.
You know, the things that your ex-girlfriend ripped
out because she really didn't care for you you twit
she was only after your money and could have given
a poo about you.
B is for Bitter.
Who, me? No way. I really hope things between them
do work out. I hope they get married and have 2 children that are little devils and her hips get huge and his eyebrows finally grow completely together and they get fat and old together and then DIE!!
C is for Call ya later.
She won't. She never has before.
D is for Dumped.
Does D need to be explained?
E is for Eating like a pig.
Remember when you took her out and she said "I'm not
hungry" so you figured you could take her to a nice
place because you were able to afford a nice meal at
this fine restaurant. Then she ate more than your
Uncle Roy (you remember Uncle Roy the one with the mustard stains on everything). So you flip the bill and are broke for the next two weeks and she wonders why you were unable to call her that week and go see movies.
F is for Friends.
That is what she just wants to be. As if you can even
stand to look at her.
G is for Gun.
And yes there is a waiting period.
H is for Horny.
Remember when she looked nice and even had a personality? Well, you figure it out.
I stands for I still hate her.
Odds are I always will, unless she calls me and offers
me favors.
J stands for Jim.
This is her new boyfriend. Doesn't Jim have a nice car? Doesn't Jim have a good job? Why does Jim want to date her? I think Jim could do much better. I hate Jim. Jim is my mortal enemy.
K stands for Kill.
That is what you do with the insects you catch and
pretend they are Jim
L is for Love.
It's a great euphoric feeling that exists between two
people and is shared upon by both parties.
L is also for Lunatic.
Lunatics are crazy. Lunatics are the last people that
actually believe in love.
M stands for Mephistophiles.
That is