"Bleeding Man" joke
Perhaps you've heard of the man who thought he was dead, when in reality he was very much alive. His delusion became such a problem that his family finally paid for him to see a psychiatrist.
The psychiatrist spent many laborious sessions trying to convince the man he was still alive. Nothing seemed to work. Finally, the doctor tried one last approach. He took out his medical book and proceeded to show the patient that dead men don't bleed.
After hours of tedious study, the patient seemed convinced that dead men don't bleed.
"Do you now agree that dead men don't bleed?" the doctor asked.
"Yes, I do," the patient replied. "Very well, then," the doctor said.
He took out a pin and pricked the patient's finger. Out came a trickle of blood.
The doctor asked, "What does that tell you?"
"Oh my goodness!" the patient exclaimed as he stared incredulously at his finger... "Dead men do bleed!!"
A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of the twosome teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.
Indeed, the ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped his hands more...
Q: What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb?
A: You can un-screw a lightbulb!
What is the definition of eternity?
Four blondes in four cars at a four way intersection.
Person 1: Knock, Knock
Person 2: Who's there?
Person 1: Cows go.
Person 2: Cows go who?
Person 1: No, silly! Cows go moo!