"Boyfriend 5.0" joke

Dear Help Desk,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that the new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting modules, limiting access to flower and jewelry applications which had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
Additionally, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.9, but installed undesirable programs such as Football 5.0 and NBA 3.0.
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and HouseCleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.
I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to rectify these problems, but to no avail.
Help please!
--Desperate
Dear Desperate,
Please bear in mind that Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.
Try to enter the command: C:/I-THOUGHT-YOU-LOVED-ME, then install Tears 6.2. Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Guilty 3.0 and Flowers 7.0. However, remember that overuse could cause Husband 1.0 to default to GrumpySilence 2.5, HappyHour 7.0 or Beer 6.1.
Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will create "Snoring Loudly" WAV files. DO NOT install MotherInLaw 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will cause Husband 1.0 to crash.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, however, it does have limited memory and is unable to learn new applications quickly. Consider purchasing additional software to improve performance.
Personally, I would recommend HotFood 3.0 and Lingerie 5.3.
--Help Desk