"Can you give me a push?" joke
A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud pounding
on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger stands in the pouring down rain. "Can you give me a push?" he asks while hanging onto the door frame. "Not a chance" says the husband -- "It's 3 o'clock in the morning!". He slams the door and returns to bed. "Who was it?" asks his wife."Just some drunk wanting a push" he answers. "Did you help him?" she asks. "No, I didn't -- it's three in the morning and raining like crazy out." "Well, you have a short memory" says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down on vacation and those two strangers helped us? I think you should help him." The man does as he is told and gets dressed and goes out into the pounding rain and calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?""Yes," comes the answer. "Do you still want a push?" calls out the husband."Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark."Where are you?" asks the husband."Over here on the swing!" the drunk replies.
An inmate on death row was scheduled to be put to death by firing squad the following morning. One of the prison guards asked the inmate if he wanted something special for his last meal. The inmate declined the offer. Later, the prison guard asked the inmate if there was more...