"Celebrity one-liner" joke

a.. "My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet." - Rodney Dangerfield
b.. "Whenever I feel like exercise, I lie down until the feeling passes." - Robert M. Hutchins
c.. "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx
d.. "If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would get done." - Anonymous
e.. "I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three." - Elayne Boosler
f.. "When I was a kid, I had two friends, and they were imaginary and they would only play with each other." -Rita Rudner
g.. "I don't kill flies but I like to mess with their minds. I hold them above globes. They freak out and yell, 'Whoa, I'm way too high!' " -Bruce Baum
h.. "I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific." -Lily Tomlin
i.. "I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was. She said if she told me it would defeat the purpose." - Dennis Miller
j.. "The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts." - Ehrlich
k.. "Complex problems have simple, easy to understand, wrong answers." - Grossman's Misquote
l.. "After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch." - Lorenz's Law of Mechanical Repair