"Chaplain's thought (offensive to Santa)" joke

Posted for: Chaplain Palindro Meemordnilap
Chaplain's thought
Today is the feast of St. Nicholas (the original Santa Claus) who was a fourth century pioneer in microbiology and biochemistry. We don't know an awful lot about him except:
He managed to create a race of stunted, servile humanoids who were impervious to cold and had great manual dexterity.
Studied the effects of lysergic acid diethylamide on water buffalo, elk, caribou, and reindeer.
Left the corpses of his enemies impaled on pikes along the road leading from the field of battle.
Besides vague historical references to his possible origin of what is now Romania and a health condition that required ingestion of large quantities of human blood to stay alive, that's all we know about Santa Claus.
I guess there's a lot of wonder in unconditional and serendipitous concern in a world that can seem uncaring and unconcerned. It's like seeing that red beam of laser light on the forehead of very dark situations.
We should be reminded of that yet today when we see candy canes because really they represent St. Nick's staff of smiting. Even if the commercial vendors and many others don't know it, many people do care about us but could give a rat's ass whether or not there are any more Tickle-me-Elmos still on the shelves.
Likewise, on the first day of Kwansaa (which is basically an excuse for Jehovah Witnesses to exchange gifts) a duck or other such waterfowl is set ablaze as onlookers sing praises to ward off those evil spirits who roam the prime material plane looking for bad children to eat.
No matter what religion, culture, or sect you adhere to, try to remember the spirit of the holidays when you see lamps, candles, candy canes, or even a burning duck. The true meaning of Christmas is often lost in these hectic holiday shopping spasms and can really be for us a real reminder of the holy in our lives and the wonder of it all seen many times through the eyes of children on which these seasons have a focus.
God Bless