"Christmas Forecast" joke

Turkeys will thaw in the morning, then warm in the oven to an
afternoon high near 190F. The kitchen will turn hot and humid, and
if you bother the cook, be ready for a severe squall or cold
shoulder.
During the late afternoon and evening, the cold front of a knife
will slice through the turkey, causing an accumulation of one to
two inches on plates. Mashed potatoes will drift across one side
while cranberry sauce creates slippery spots on the other. Please
pass the gravy.
A weight watch and indigestion warning have been issued for the
entire area, with increased stuffiness around the beltway. During
the evening, the turkey will diminish and taper off to leftovers,
dropping to a low of 34F in the refrigerator.
Looking ahead to the next two days, high pressure to eat sand-
wiches will be established. Flurries of leftovers can be expected
both days with a 50 percent chance of scattered soup late in the
day. We expect a warming trend where soup develops.
By early next week, eating pressure will be low as the only wish
left will be the bone.