"Chuck Norris makes onions cry. ..." joke

A very attractive lady goes up to a bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does, she begins to gently caress his full more...

What is the definition of eternity?
Four blondes in four cars at a four way intersection.

Why is santa claus always so happy?
He knows where all of the bad girls live!

Q: What is the similarity between a rubix cube and a dick?
A: The more you play with them, the harder they get!

Ya mama so fat the only thing stopping her from going to Jenny Craig is the door.