"Church Bulletin Bloopers" joke

Thank God for church ladies with typewriters.

Were these words actually printed in church bulletins or delivered during church services? Who cares!

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The sermon this morning:' Jesus Walks on the Water.'
The sermon tonight:' Searching for Jesus.'
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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be' What Is Hell?'
Come early and listen to our choir practice.
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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM.
Please use the back door.
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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.
Please use large double door at the side entrance.
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Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale.
It's a chance to get rid of things not worth keeping around the house.
Bring your husbands.
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Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.
Smile at someone who is hard to love.
Say' Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.
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The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
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Don't let worry kill you off
- let the Church help.
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Miss Charlene Mason sang' I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
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For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
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Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir.
They need all the help they can get.
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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church.
So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
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A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall.
Music will follow.
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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
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Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled.
Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
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Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind.
They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
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This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
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Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. Is done.
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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
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The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last
Sunday:' I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.