"Church Vote" joke
A quite sobered-up drunk is at Sunday mass listening to a long boring sermon. Feeling still hungover and tired, he finally nods out hoping no one will notice. The priest has been watching him all along and at the end of the sermon, decides to make an example out of him.
"Who in this room would like a place in heaven, please stand up," he exclaims. The whole room stands up, except, of course, for one. Obviously displeased, he now says loudly, "And he who would like to find a place in hell please STAND UP." The man, catching only the last part, groggily stands up, only to find that he's the only one standing up. Confused and embarrassed he says, "I don't know what we're voting on here, Father, but sure seems like you and me are the only ones standing for it."
Not enough votes...