"Classified Ad Bloopers!" joke
The following were actually taken from classified ads in newspapers:
Free Yorkshire Terrior.
8 years-old. Hateful little dog.
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Free Puppies:
1/2 Cocker Spaniel
1/2 Sneaky Neighbor's Dog
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Free Puppies:
Part German Shepherd
Part Stupid Dog
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German Shepherd - 85lbs.
Neutered. Speaks German. Free!
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1 Man, 7 Women hot tub -- $850/offer
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Amana Washer $100.
Owned by clean bachelor who seldom washed.
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Snow blower for sale.
Only used on snowy days.
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2 Wire mesh butchering gloves:
1 5-finger, 1 3-finger, pair $15.
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Tickle Me Elmo, Still in Box,
Comes with its own
1988 Mustang, 5L, Auto
Excellent Condition, $6, 800.
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83 Toyota Hunchback -- $2, 000
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Star Wars Job of the Hut -- $15
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Soft & Genital Bath Tissues
or Facial Tischue - $. 89
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Full-Sized Mattress
20 Year Warranty
Like New! Slight urine smell.
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FREE 1 Can of Pork & Beans
With Purchase of 3 BR / 2 BTH Home
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Nordic Track $300
Hardly used. Call Chubbie.
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Bill's Septic Cleaning
"We Haul American Made Products"
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Shakespeare's Pizza - Free Chopsticks
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HUMMELS - Largest Selection Ever!
"If it's in stock, we have it!"
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Get a Little John:
The Traveling Urinal
Holds 2 1/2 Bottles of Beer.
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Harrisburg Postal Employees Gun Club
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Georgia Peaches
California Grown - $. 89/lb.
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Nice Parachute
Never Opened - Used Once
Slightly Stained
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American Flag
60 Stars - Pole Included - $100
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Tired of Working for only $9. 75 per hour?
We offer profit sharing and flexible hours.
Starting Pay: $7-9 per hour.
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Exercise Equipment
Queen Size Mattress & Box Springs - $175
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Our Sofa Seats the Whole Mob!
And it's made of 100% Italian Leather.
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Joining Nudist Colony!
Must Sell Washer & Dryer - $300
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Lawyer Says Client is Not That Guilty.
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Alzheimer's Center Prepares
for an Affair to Remember
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Gas Cloud Clears out Taco Bell
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Open House!
Body Shapers Toning Salon
Free Coffee & Donuts
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Kellogg's Pot Tarts - $1. 99/box.
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Fully Cooked Boneless Smoked Mann $2. 09/lb.
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FOR SALE BY OWNER
Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica.
45 volumes - Excellent condition.
$1, 000. 00 or best offer.
No longer needed.
Got married last weekend.
Wife knows everything.
A young woman goes into the doctor's office for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a red "H" on her chest. "How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor. "Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard and he's so proud of it that he never more...
Two cats: Felix & Un-deux-trois, decided to have a race to see who could swim across the river first.Guess who won? Felix! Because Un-deux-trois cat sank.
(Un deux trois quatre cinq)
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
Three ministers - a Presbyterian, a Methodist, and a Baptist - and their wives were on a cruise. A tidal wave came up and swamped the ship; they all drowned, and before long, they were standing before St. Peter.
First came the Presbyterian and his wife. St. Peter more...
2 Scousers are riding along the M62 from Manchester to Liverpool on a motorbike. They break down and start hitching a lift. A friendly trucker stops to see if he can help and the scousers ask him for a lift.
He tells them he has no room in the wagon as he is carrying 20, more...