"College Dictionary" joke

Absent
(n) The notation generally following your name in a class record.
Admissions Office
(n) Where they take you to get you to admit you've
mooned the keynote speaker during "new student weekend."
Anatomy
(n) One of those classes that sounds vaguely risque until
you find out what it REALLY involves.
Biology
(n) A class located suspiciously near the cafeteria.
Book
(n) A depository of knowledge which a student will try to stay
awake long enough to read the night before finals.
Bookbag
(n) A large container in which students store candy bars, gum,
combs, little slips of paper with phone numbers on them, yo-yos,
sunglasses, student I.D.s, loose change, magazines, & (occasionally) books.
Cafeteria
(n) from Latin "cafe" ("place to eat") and "teria" ("to wretch").
Caffeine
(n) One of the four basic food groups.
Call
(v) What you can't do because your stupid roommate has to go over
every stupid detail of every stupid day with their stupid hometown
sweetheart.
Coach
(n) A teacher who rewards successful "students" with a new Corvette.
Cum Laude
(v) How students in southern universities call dogs named "Laude."
D-Minus
(n) A pretty good grade.
Dorm
(n) Student residence located only a few convenient miles from 8
a.m. classes.
Dormroom
(n) A small closet-like area inhabited by a pair of incompatible people.
Education Budget
(n) Money you allocate each month for movies and magazines.
Egghead
1) (n) A brainy student who studies all the time and gets straight A's.
2) (n) That same student once you've dropped eggs on him from the
roof of the science lab.
Extra Credit
(n) What you wish you had on your credit card.
F
(n) A grade that can usually be altered to look like a "B" on a test paper.
Junior Varsity
(n) The team that everybody supports, but nobody goes to watch.
Kappa
(n) What members of sororities or fraternities wear on their headas.
Kitchenette
(n) A small, thin person working in the cafeteria kitchen.
Klutz
(n) What you discover your lab partner is when you ask him to
slowly pour the sulfuric acid into the beaker you're holding.
Lab
(n) A room full of icky, funny-looking creatures and the dead
frogs they dissect.
Lettermen
(n) Scholarship athletes who proudly wear letter sweaters
proclaiming the vowel or consonant they have mastered.
Liberal Arts
(n) See "Would you like fries with that?"
Lounge
(n) Any area in a dorm, union or classroom building where the only
furniture that isn't soiled, ripped or scarred is immediately stolen.
Major
(n) Area of study that no longer interests you.
Midnight Oil
(n) What you make popcorn in.
Misery
(n) The sinking feeling you get when introduced to the person your
roomie fixed you up with because "the two of you are so much alike."
Nickname
(n) Generally, your own name with the suffix "ster" attached in a
forced awkward attempt at familiarity. E.g. "Bobster," "Hankster" or
"Georgester."
No
(n) The response that guys who will spend most of their time in the gym
lifting weights might put on a true/false test.
Nude Models
(n) The reason for your sudden interest in art.
Off-Campus Parking
(n) Ample extra parking usually found in an adjoining county.
Othello
(n) Unless you're an English major, who really cares??
Out
(n) Where your roommate always is when one of the 35 clubs she belongs
to calls with a very important message.
Paper
(n) Your version of Cliff Notes.
Poster
(n) An inexpensive way to decorate a dormroom while making people
think you've been to foreign lands and done things you never have.
Pre-Law
(n) The major of a person who will end up in sales.
Vice Squad
(n) A group of uniformed officers who seem to be under the
impression that they were invited to your dorm party.
Vending Machine
(n) A coin operated device for dispensing breakfast, lunch and dinner.
Victor
(n) Your football team's weekly opponent.
Victory
(n) A rarity; a three syllable word that cheerleaders CAN spell.
Weekend
(n