"College Poem" joke

I am a college student.
I've missed class to watch Jenny Jones. I've partied until 7 in the morning. I live for Southpark and Sportscenter.
I watch Jerry Springer religiously.
I'm broke. I've spent over $300 at one time buying text books. I spend that much in a month on beer. I drink 'til the sun comes up. I wake up 10 minutes before class.
I fall asleep 10 minutes into class.
I can't remember the last time I washed my car.
I'm not sure where the library is.
I procrastinate. I'm lazy. C2H5OH is my favorite chemical compound.
I'd rather do E-mails than do schoolwork. I'd rather sleep than do E-mails. I'd rather drink than sleep. I fund the University through my parking tickets and phone bills. I drink on Sundays. I have an alcohol bottle collection on display in my room. I haven't eaten breakfast in a year.
I order pizza at midnight. I make popcorn at 1:00. I do E-mails at 2:00. I watch TV at 3:00. I go to sleep around 4:00. I know the Greek alphabet better than the English alphabet. I've built up a tolerance to certain beverages.
The weekend starts on Thursday. I want to own a breathalizer to use for fun. I'm the type of person your mother warned you about. I am a college student and I wouldn't change a damn thing!