"Common Business Phrases" joke

A Clarification - To fill in the background with so many details that the foreground goes underground.
A Conference - A place where conversation is substituted for the dreariness of labor and the loneliness of thought.
A Meeting - A mass mulling by master minds.
A Program - Any assignment that can''t be completed by one telephone call.
Action is being taken - Your correspondence is lost and we are still trying to locate it.
Action please - Get yourself involved for me. Don''t worry, I''ll claim the credit.
Basic agreement has been reached: The @##$%%''s won''t even talk to us.
Channels - be trail left by the interoffice memo.
Consultant (or Expert) - Any ordinary guy more than 50 miles from home.
Coordinator - me guy who has a desk between two expeditors.
Copy to - Here''s a share of the headache.
Essentially complete: It''s half done.
Expedite - To confound confusion with commotion
For your approval, please - Put your neck on the chopping board for me please.
For your immediate action - Do it NOW! Or we''ll all get into trouble.
For your information, please (FYI) - We don''t know what to do with this, so please keep it.
For your necessary action - It''s your headache now.
Give Us the Benefit of Your Present Thinking - We''ll listen to what you have to say as long as it doesn''t interfere with what we''ve already decided to do.
Give us your interpretation -- Your warped opinion will be pitted against your adversary''s good sense.
Informed Source - The guy who told the guy you just met.
It is in process - So wrapped up in red tape that the situation is almost hopeless.
Let''s Get Together on This - I''m assuming you''re as confused as I am.
Not well defined at this time: Nobody''s even thought about it.
Not well understood: Now that we''ve thought about it, we don''t want to think about it anymore.
Noted and returned - We don''t know what to do with this, so please keep it little while.
Please discuss - I don''t know what the hell this is, so please brief me.
Please note and initial -- Let''s spread the responsibility for this.
Potential show stopper - The team has updated their resumes.
Regards - Thanks for reading all the bullshit.
Reliable Source - The guy you just met.
Re-orientation - Getting used to working again.
Results are being quantified: We''re massaging the numbers so they will agree with our conclusions.
Review and comment - Do the dirty work so that I can forward it.
Risk is high, but within acceptable ranges of risk: 100: 1 odds, or with 10 times over budget using 10 times the people we said we''d employ.
See Me, or Let''s Discuss - Come down to my office, I''m lonesome.
Serious but not insurmountable problems: It''ll take a miracle.
Task force to review: Seven people who are incompetent at their regular jobs have been loaned to the project
To Activate - To make carbons and add more names to the memo.
To Give Someone the Picture - A long, confused and inaccurate statement to a newcomer.
To Inplement a Program - Hire more people and expand the office.
To Negotiate - To seek a meeting of minds without knocking together of heads.
Under Active Consideration - We''re looking in the files for it.
Unimpeachable Source - The guy who started the rumor originally.
We are aware of it -- We had hoped that the fool who started it would have forgotten about it by this time.
We are investigating/processing your request with the relevant authorities - They are causing the delay, not us.
We are making a survey -- We need more time to think of an answer.
We will look into it - By the time the wheel makes a full turn, we assume you will have forgotten about it too.
Will advise you in due course -- If we figure it out, we''ll let you know.
Your letter is receiving our attention - We are still trying to figure out what you want.