"Confucius say..." joke

Confucius say...
Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient.
Confucius say...
Passionate kiss, like spider web, lead to undoing of fly.
Confucius say...
Better to be pissed off than pissed on.
Confucius say...
He who walk through airport door sideways going to Bangkok.
Confucius say...
Boy who go to sleep with stiff problem wake up with solution in hand.
Confucius say...
Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day long.
Confucius say...
Couple on 7 day honeymoon make hole weak.
Confucius say...
Girl who sit on jockeys lap get hot tip.
Confucius say...
Girl who sits on Judge's lap gets honorable discharge.
Confucius say....
Lady who go camping must beware of evil intent.
Confucius say...
Man who keep feet firmly on ground have trouble putting on pants.
Confucius say...
Man who stand on street corner with hands in pockets, not feeling crazy, feeling nuts.
Confucius say...
Squirrel who runs up woman's leg not find nuts.
Confucius say...
Rape impossible. Woman run faster with skirt up, than Man with pants down.
Confucius say...
He who run behind bus get exhausted.
Confucius say:
Man who leap off cliff jump to conclusion.
Confucius say...
Man with tight trousers is pressing his luck.
Confucius say...
He who fishes in others' holes often catches crabs.
Confucius say...
Man who go to sleep with itchy bum wake up with smelly finger.