"Connecting with Celebrities" joke

Weird, but allegedly true, celebrity encounters as quoted in the book "Elvis Presley's Pharmacist Was My Sunday School Teacher" (Alaska Northwest Books, $8.95).

"While playing a celebrity basketball game at the Pentagon, I mistakenly put on Al Gore's jockstrap."

"I once heard Brian Keith belch."

"I was circumcised by C. Everett Koop."

"Kurt Cobain puked on my ex-girlfriend."

"I took Captain Kangaroo's stool sample."

"I once built a stage that Glenn Campbell fell through."

"I watched Jaclyn Smith pick her nose while driving her Corvette."

"I sat on a plane next to the best friend of the nephew of the Japanese guy that President Bush puked on."

"I threw a Frisbee to the Emperor of Japan."

"My ancestors ate Magellan."

"I know a guy whose father's grandfather was the plumber who pulled President Taft out of the tub when he got stuck."

"My father went to high school with Adam West. I met him and then the three of us went to Hooters."

"Connie Chung once hawked a loogie on my shoe."

"Gomer Pyle hit on my brother."

"Stephen Hawking ran over my foot with his wheelchair."