"Dear Help Desk" joke

Dear Help Desk,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5. 0 to Husband 1. 0 and
noticed that the new program began making unexpected changes to
the accounting modules, limiting access to flower and jewelry
applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5. 0.
In addition, Husband 1. 0 uninstalled many other valuable
programs, such as Romance 9. 9 but installed undesirable programs
such as NFL 5. 0 and NBA 3. 0.
Conversation 8. 0 no longer runs and HouseCleaning 2. 6 simply
crashes the system.
I've tried running Nagging 5. 3 to fix these problems, but to no
avail.
Please help!
--Desperate

Dear Desperate,
Please keep in mind that Boyfriend 5. 0 is an entertainment
package, while Husband 1. 0 is an operating system.
Try to enter the command: C:/I-THOUGHT-YOU-LOVED-ME and then
install Tears 6. 2. Husband 1. 0 should then automatically run the
applications: Guilty 3. 0 and Flowers 7. 0. But remember, overuse
can cause Husband 1. 0 to default to GrumpySilence 2. 5, HappyHour
7. 0 or Beer 6. 1.
Beer 6. 1 is a very bad program that will create "Snoring Loudly"
WAV sound files. DO NOT install MotherInLaw 1. 0 or reinstall
another Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications
and will crash Husband 1. 0.
In summary, Husband 1. 0 is a great program, but it does have
limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.
Consider buying additional software to improve performance.
I personally recommend HotFood 3. 0 and Lingerie 5. 3
--Help Desk