"Demerit Point System Used by Women." joke

DEMERIT POINT SYSTEM USED BY WOMEN(The code is finally broken - the demerit system is no longer a mystery!) For all you guys out there who just can't figure it out, here it is: In the world of romance and relationship responsibilities, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes & you get points. Do something she dislikes & points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects... Sorry, but that's the way the game is played. Here is a guide to the point system. SIMPLE DUTIES You make the bed.................................................. 1 You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows......... 0 You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets....................... - 1 You leave the toilet seat up...................................... - 5 You replace the toilet-paper roll when it's empty.................. 0 When the toilet-paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex....... - 1 When the Kleenex runs out you shuffle slowly to the next bathroom. - 2 You check out a suspicious noise at night. ........................ 0 You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing.................. 0 You check out a suspicious noise and it's something............... 5 You pummel it with a six iron.................................... 10SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS You stay by her side the entire party............................. 0 You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college drinking buddy...................................................-2 Named Tiffany.................................................... - 4 Tiffany is a dancer.............................................. - 6 Tiffany has implants.............................................-8HER BIRTHDAY You take her out to dinner........................................ 0 You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar. ........... 1 Okay, it is a sports bar......................................... - 2 And it's all-you-can-eat night................................... - 3 It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team................................ - 10THOUGHTFULNESS You forget her birthday completely..............................-20 You forget your anniversary..................................... - 30 You forget to pick her up at the bus station.................... - 45 Which is in Newark, New Jersey.................................. - 50 And the pouring rain dissolves her leg cast.....................-60A NIGHT OUT You take her to a movie.......................................... 2 You take her to a movie she likes................................ 4 You take her to a movie you hate. ............................... 6 You take her to a movie you like.................................-2 It's called DeathCop3........................................... - 3 Which features cyborgs having sex................................ - 9 You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans........... - 15FLOWERS You buy her flowers only when it's expected....................... 0 You buy her flowers as a surprise, just for the hell of it. .... 20 You give her wildflowers you've actually picked yourself. ...... 30 And she contracts Lyme disease.................................. - 25YOUR PHYSIQUE You develop a noticeable potbelly.............................. -15 You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it.. 1 You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts. .........................................-30 You say "I don't care because you have one too". ..............-800FINANCES You spend a lot of money on something impractical............... -5 Something she can't use......................................... - 10 Such as a motorized model airplane..............................-20 And she got a small appliance for her birthday..................-40DRIVING You lost the directions on a trip............................... - 4 You lost the directions and end up getting lost................ - 10 You don't stop to ask directions. ...................... 0 You stop and ask for directions. ..................... 25 You end up getting lost in a bad part of town. ................ - 15 You get lost in a bad part of town and meet the locals up close and personal....................................................... - 25 You know them.................................................. - 60THE BIG QUESTION She asks, "Do I look fat?". .................................... - 5 (Sensitive questions always start with a deficit) You hesitate in responding..................................... - 10 You reply, "Where?". ........................................... - 35COMMUNICATION When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression................................ 0 When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes......... 5 You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV.. 10 She realizes this is because you've fallen asleep.............. - 20

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