"Do Not Try This At Home" joke

*** if you try this for real, you may damage your microwave or disk ***

Recently one of my friends, a computer wizard, paid me a visit. As we were talking I mentioned that I had recently installed Windows XP on my PC. I told him how happy I was with this operating system and showed him the Windows XP CD. To my surprise he threw it into my microwave oven and turned it on. Instantly I got very upset, because the CD had become precious to me, but he said: "Do not worry, it is unharmed."

After a few minutes he took the CD out, gave it to me and said: "Take a close look at it."

To my surprise the CD was quite cold to hold and it seemed to be heavier than before. At first I could not see anything, but on the inner edge of the central hole I saw an inscription, an inscription finer than anything I had ever seen before. The inscription shone piercingly bright, and yet remote, as if out of a great depth:

12413AEB2ED4FA5E6F7D78E78BEDE820945092OF923A40EElOE5 IOCC98D444AA08EI324 "I cannot understand the fiery letters," I said in a timid voice.

"No but I can," he said. "The letters are Hex, of an ancient mode, but the language is that of Microsoft, which I shall not utter here. But in common English this is what it says:

"'One OS to rule them all, One OS to find them, One OS to bring them all and in the darkness bind them.' "It is only two lines from a verse long known in System-lore:

"'Three OS's from corporate-kings in their towers of glass, Seven from valley-lords where orchards used to grow, Nine from dotcoms doomed to die, One from the Dark Lord Gates on his dark throne In the Land of Redmond where the Shadows lie. One OS to rule them all, One OS to find them, One OS to bring them all and in the darkness bind them, In the Land of Redmond where the Shadows lie.'"