"EEC Language" joke
International communications made easy... It's about time somebody sorted the English language out.: )
In order to improve the language we correspond in, here is an article that will clear the picture:
Having chosen English as the preferred language in the EEC, the European Parliament has commissioned a feasibility study in ways of improving efficiency in communications between Government departments.
European officials have often pointed out that English spelling is unnecessarily difficult - for example, cough, plough, rough, through and thorough. What is clearly needed is a phased programme of changes to iron out these anomalies. The programme would, of course, be administered by a committee staff at top level by participating nations.
In the first year, for example, the committee would suggest using' s' instead of the soft' c'. Sertainly, sivil servants in all sities would resieve this news with joy. Then the hard' c' could be replaced by' k' sinse both letters are pronounsed alike. Not only would this klear up konfusion in the minds of klerikal workers, but typewriters kould be made with one less letter.
There would be growing enthusiasm when in the sekond year, it kould be announsed that the troublesome' ph' would henseforth be written' f'. This would make words like' fotograf' twenty per sent shorter in print.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reash the stage where more komplikated shanges are possible. Governments would enkourage the removal of double letters which have always been a deterent to akurate speling.
We would al agre that the horible mes of silent' e's in the languag is disgrasful. Therefor we kould drop thes and kontinu to read and writ as though nothing had hapend. By this tim it would be four years sins the skem began and peopl would be reseptive to steps sutsh as replasing' th' by' z'. Perhaps zen ze funktion of' w' kould be taken on by' v', vitsh is, after al, half a' w'. Shortly after zis, ze unesesary' o kould be dropd from words kontaining' ou'. Similar arguments vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
Kontinuing zis proses yer after yer, ve vud eventuli hav a reli sensibl riten styl. After tventi yers zer vud be no mor trubls, difikultis and evrivun vud fin it ezi tu understand ech ozer. Ze drems of the Guvermnt vud finali hav kum tru.
A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day, carrying a bag of money. She insisted that she must speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account because,' It's a lot of money!'
After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her more...
Philippe, a brave French fighter pilot, takes his girlfriend, Marie, out for a pleasant picnic by the River Seine. It's a beautiful day and love is in the air. Marie leans over to Philippe and says,' Philippe, kiss me!'
Philippe grabs a bottle of Merlot and splashes it on more...
Little Jenny comes home from playing at Johnny's house, and says,' 'Hey Mom, guess what! Johnny's got a penis like a peanut!''
Mom is understandably confused for a second, then asks,' 'What, you mean it's shaped like a peanut?''
' 'No silly, it's more...