"Excuses for being absent" joke

The following are some classic written excuses given
to teachers in the Alburquerque public school system:
"Please excuse Dianne from being absent yeaterday. She
was in bed with gramps."
"Please excuse Johnnie for being. It was his father's fault."
"Chris will not be in school because he has an acre in
his side."
"John has been absent because he had two teeth taken
off his face."
"Excuse Gloria. She has been under the doctor."
"Lillie was absent from school yesterday because she
had a going over."
"My son is under the doctor's care and should not take
fizical ed. Please execute him."
"Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing
football. He was hit in the growing part."
"My daughter was absent yesterday because she was
tired. She spent this weekend with the Marines."
"Please excuse Joyce from P. E. for a few days.
Yesterday she fell off a tree and misplaced her hip."
"Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels."
"Maryann was absent Dec. 11-16, because she had a
fever, sore throat, headache, and upset stomach. Her
sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her
brother had a low-grade fever. There must be the flu
going around, her father even got hot last night."
"Please excuse Blanche from jim today. She is administrating."
"George was absent yesterday because he had a stomach."
"Ralph was absent yesterday because he had a sore trout."
"Please excuse Sara for being absent. She was sick and
I had her shot."
"Please excuse Lupe. She is having problems with her ovals."