"Fake Two Dollar Bill" joke

On my way home from the second job I’ve taken for the extra holiday cash I need, I stopped at Taco Bell for a quick bite to eat. In my wallet is a $50 bill and a $2 bill. That is all of the cash I have on my person. I figure that with a $2 bill, I can get something to eat and not have to worry about people getting upset with me.
ME: “Hi, I’d like one seven layer burrito please, to go. ”
IT: “Is that it? ”
ME: “Yep. ”
IT: “That’ll be $1. 04, eat here? ”
ME: “No, it’s *to* *go*. ” [I hate effort duplication.]
At his point I open my billfold and hand him the $2 bill. He looks at it kind of funny and says
IT: “Uh, hang on a sec, I’ll be right back. ”
He goes to talk to his manager, who is still within earshot. The following conversation occurs between the two of them.
IT: “Hey, you ever see a $2 bill? ”
MG: “No. A what? ”
IT: “A $2 bill. This guy just gave it to me. ”
MG: “Ask for something else, THERE’S NO SUCH THING AS A $2 BILL. ”
IT: “Yeah, thought so. ”
He comes back to me and says
IT: “We don’t take these. Do you have anything else? ”
ME: “Just this fifty. You don’t take $2 bills? Why? ”
IT: “I don’t know. ”
ME: “See here where it says legal tender? ”
IT: “Yeah. ”
ME: “So, shouldn’t you take it? ”
IT: “Well, hang on a sec. ”
He goes back to his manager who is watching me like I’m going to shoplift, and. . .
IT: “He says I have to take it. ”
MG: “Doesn’t he have anything else? ”
IT: “Yeah, a fifty. I’ll get it and you can open the safe and get change. ”
MG: “I’M NOT OPENING THE SAFE WITH HIM IN HERE. ”
IT: “What should I do? ”
MG: “Tell him to come back later when he has REAL money. ”
IT: “I can’t tell him that, you tell him. ”
MG: “Just tell him. ”
IT: “No way, this is weird, I’m going in back. ”
The manager approaches me and says
MG: “Sorry, we don’t take big bills this time of night. ”
[it was 8pm and this particular Taco Bell is in a well lighted indoor mall with 100 other stores.]
ME: “Well, here’s a two. ”
MG: “We don’t take *those* either. ”
ME: “Why the hell not? ”
MG: “I think you *know* why. ”
ME: “No really, tell me, why? ”
MG: “Please leave before I call mall security. ”
ME: “Excuse me? ”
MG: “Please leave before I call mall security. ”
ME: “What the hell for? ”
MG: “Please, sir. ”
ME: “Uh, go ahead, call them. ”
MG: “Would you please just leave? ”
ME: “No. ”
MG: “Fine, have it your way then. ”
ME: “No, that’s Burger King, isn’t it? ”
At this point he BACKS away from me and calls mall security on the phone around the corner. I have two people STARING at me from the dining area, and I begin laughing out loud, just for effect. A few minutes later this 45 year oldish guy comes in and says [at the other end of counter, in a whisper]
SG: “Yeah, Mike, what’s up? ”
MG: “This guy is trying to give me some [pause] funny money. ”
SG: “Really? What? ”
MG: “Get this, a *two* dollar bill. ”
SG: “Why would a guy fake a $2 bill? ” [incredulous]
MG: “I don’t know? He’s kinda weird. Says the only other thing he has is a fifty. ”
SG: “So, the fifty’s fake? ”
MG: “NO, the $2 is. ”
SG: “Why would he fake a $2 bill? ”
MG: “I don’t know. Can you talk to him, and get him out of here? ”
SG: “Yeah…”
Security guard walks over to me and says. . .
SG: “Mike here tells me you have some fake bills you’re trying to use. ”
ME: “Uh, no. ”
SG: “Lemme see ‘em. ”
ME: “Why? ”
SG: “Do you want me to get the cops in here? ”
At this point I was ready to say, “SURE, PLEASE, ” but I wanted to eat, so I said
ME: “I’m just trying to buy a burrito and pay for it with this $2 bill. ”
I put the bill up near his face, and he flinches like I was taking a swing at him. He takes the bill, turns it over a few times in his hands, and says:
SG: “Mike, what’s wrong with this bill? ”
MG: “It’s fake. ”
SG: “It doesn’t look fake to me. ”
MG: “But it’s a **$2** bill. ”
SG: “Yeah? ”
MG: “Well, there’s no such thing, is there? ”
The security guard and I both looked at him like he was an idiot, and it dawned on the guy that he had no clue.
My burrito was free and he threw in a small drink and those cinnamon things, too. It makes me want to get a whole stack of $2 bills just to see what happens when I try to buy stuff.