"First Draft of Bush's Inaugural Address" joke

My fellow Armenians,
As I stand here today, looking out over this magnificent viagra, I
think we can agree that the past is over. Our country is ready for a
fresh, bipolar approach.
I want to bring America together. We are the hill shining on a city,
and each of us can get to the top if we set our feet to it Americans
have made their decision. They don't need sympathy; they need
ablutions. We need to move beyond the petty armadilloes.
Politics doesn't have to be the way it is today. We can make the pie
higher. A high pie lets everyone put food on their family and their
family on the table.
That's my record: I side with the people. And the B-side of my record
is Billy-Joe Gibbs and the Shoeshine Boys singing "Streets in Laredo".
(Music break)
A president has to think not only of himself and his family and his
baseball team's families, but of all American families. I don't
believe a president should be choosing who are the right Americans and
who are the wrong Americans. All of us are together, white or wrong,
black or right. Or perversely. That's why my tax cut is as broad as we
are. And it will give our expansion a timely second dose of wind.
(Zantac commercial)
I say there's a cost to inaction. I haven't done the acrobatics, but
it's probably around a trillion dollars. That's a good round sum to
offer to everyone, especially our seniors, who are the backache of our
nation. I would like to take a moment to mention my mother, Barbara
Bush, who taught me to read and write when I was still knee-high to a
lawnmower. We need our seniors to be free to pass on their life's work
to those they love, and especially to pass on.
Thanks, Mom and Dad.
(Applause; tears)
We know that America is the best in the world. We are the great
super-premium; we cannot afford to be unleaded. This is still a world
of madmen and mental losses. And mental loss is easy to underestimate.
We need a sharpened sword to light our way. To quote Ronald Reagan: "I
do not believe in a fate that will fall on us if we do nothing. I do
believe in a fate that will fall on us if we do something. And it must
never run our lives."
(Exxon commercial)
The purpose of prosperity is to make sure the American dream touches
every killing heart. Progress can be slow; you measure it in inches
and feet, not miles or kilograms. Or cantilevers. I worked in Texas by
common sense and plain dozing. I got on with small business, because I
was one myself. I'm less now. But I'm also more. We are all less and
more. More or less. And I believe we must match our compassionate
hearts to our preservative minds.
I know you would rather be watching TV, and so would I, so I will draw
to a confusion. My message is: I will get things done. I will inspire
and untie. I will appeal to people's better angles. I will prove that
politics can be bigger than you ever thought possible. We will trust
the people we serve, and serve the people we trust. Together, we can
do what needs to be done to preserve this great bastard of freedom.
Thank you, and God help America.