"Fun Things To Do In A Supermarket" joke

1. Juggle the fruit.
2. Wedge things in all the freezer and refrigerator doors, stopping them from closing all the way.
3. Purchase a live lobster and turn it loose in the store.
4. Shake all the sodas.
5. Have shopping cart races down the aisles.
6. Dump the tray of food samples into your purse.
7. Talk to the fresh fish.
8. Pop the champagne bottles.
9. Hold a bowling tournament in the aisles, using canteloupes for bowling balls and pineapples for bowling pins.
10. "Accidentally" drop a jar of pickles and walk away quickly.
11. Fill a shopping cart with items such as kleenex, diapers and toilet paper and leave it in the cereal aisle.
12. Talk to your Aunt Mildred, using a banana as a telephone.
13. Throw a party.
14. Fall alseep in a shopping cart in the middle of an aisle.
15. "Drive" your shopping cart up and down the aisles while making race car noises.
16. Try to auction off a grapefruit.
17. When asked if you want "paper or plastic" reply, "papestic please."
18. Have a game of hopscotch on the floor tiles.
19. Switch the price labels on very expensive items with those of very cheap items.
20. Tell them you're with the Department of Health and you need to test all of their foods.
21. Try a food sample and then say very loudly, "This tastes like shit!"
22. Get in the express line with more than ten items.
23. Whenever someone is blocking the aisle in front of you, say "Beep! Beep!"
24. Purchase 50 sticks of deodorant.
25. Randomly stick boxes of Midol into men's shopping carts when they aren't looking.
26. Walk around the supermarket with a cart full of lamb chops while singing "Mary Had a Little Lamb" loudly.
27. Ask the cashier if they have any pork suitable for a sacrificial offering.
28. Play with the pet toys.
29. Stick grapes in your mouth and spit them at people when they aren't looking. When they turn around, look the other way.
30. One word: Kleptomania!