"Give a Comedian a Hand" joke

Top three stimuli a comedian uses to assist in pleasuring himself while staying alone in a crappy motel in Arkansas:

1. Vanessa Williams Pro-Activ Commercial

2. Christie Brinkley/ Chuck Norris infomercial with masking tape covering the side of the TV with Chuck on it.

3. May-Belle, cashier from the Wal-Mart down the road.