"Greeting Card Rejections" joke

Greeting card ideas rejected by Hallmark:
1. So your daughter's a hooker,
and it spoiled your day.
Look at the bright side,
it's really good pay.
2. My tire was thumping,
I thought it was flat.
When I looked at the tire,
I noticed your cat.
Sorry!
3. You had your bladder removed,
and you're on the mend.
Here's a bouquet of flowers,
and a box of Depends.
4. Happy Vasectomy!
Hope you feel zippy!
'Cause when I had mine,
I got real snippy.
5. Heard your wife left you,
How upset you must be.
But don't fret about it,
She moved in with me.
6. You totaled your car,
and can't remember why.
Could it have been,
that whole case of Bud Dry?
Other rejected ideas:
Congratulations on your wedding day!
Too bad no one likes your wife.
I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love.
After having met you, I've changed my mind.
As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am that you're not here to ruin it for me.
If I get only one thing for Christmas, I hope it's your sister.
Congratulations on your promotion.
Before you go, would you like to take this knife out of my back?...
You'll probably need it again!
We have been friends for a very long time.
What say we call it quits?
Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad! (Available only in certain southern States)